


Remember What Was Lost

by chaosmajikstar



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, F/M, M/M, Mostly Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-09
Updated: 2014-03-23
Packaged: 2018-01-04 04:16:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 25,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1076425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaosmajikstar/pseuds/chaosmajikstar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren is supposed to move on. Mikasa and Armin keep telling him to forget about their days back in the Scouting Legion, and live on in the now, but he can't give it all up that easily. Even in their new life, some scars remain, and there are some people that Eren just can't bring himself to forget.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A New Chance

Eren leaned down as the wind assaulted him, trying to keep in what warmth he had left in his scrawny body. Honestly, he really needed to look into buying a thicker jacket, even if he had already put it off for a few months, seeing as it was already a week into December. He stopped at the light, and felt another shiver run down his body. Even if Christmas was right around the corner, he didn’t think he could wait any longer. Motorcycles, light jackets, and winter didn’t mix at all. He lifted his legs back up to his bike as the light changed and he set off again.

As much as he hated his hometown, mostly because of the cold, being back was nice. Especially now that he was going to see Mikasa and Armin after nearly four months of traveling. He leaned with his motorcycle, leading it down the increasingly familiar curves of suburbia, where he had lived before, with his father. He momentarily thought of stopping to give the man a short visit, but it didn’t take much for him to put that out of his mind. Ever since his mother’s death, four years prior, they hadn’t gotten along at all. He had moved out as soon as possible, and at twenty now, it had been almost a year since the last time they had even talked, and that was because Mikasa had bugged him until he at least made the awkward two minute call. He continued his ride into town, past the office buildings and towards the more dingy part of town where Armin and Mikasa had rented for their most recent term.

Riding into the parking garage, Eren quickly hopped off his bike. Shoving his helmet under his arm, he fished his dingy phone out his over-packed book bag, checking for the apartment number as he walked briskly. He couldn’t help the smile that formed on his face as he almost not really ran up the stairs all the way to the fourth floor, slowing down only to examine the numbers posted on the doors, not catching his breath at all. It wasn’t until he stood in right in front of the door that he realized how much he had been looking forward to seeing them again. He knocked three times before leaning back on the balls of his feet as he heard the bustle inside.

“Eren!” Mikasa’s surprise lasted only a second before she threw her arms around him. “We thought you wouldn’t be done for another week.” He laughed sheepishly, following her inside.

“I finished early with my work and decided to just show up. I knew you wouldn’t mind.” He dropped his bag on their couch, looking around the sparse room. “Where’s Armin? We can’t have a reunion party without him.”

“He’s still in class. He’ll be happy to see you,” as she spoke, she moved Eren’s bag, placing it in an unused corner of the room, out of the way. “I’ll do your laundry tomorrow. Where’s the rest of your things? You shouldn’t be traveling this light. This can’t be all of it.”

Eren frowned as he laid on the couch. “Calm down, Mikasa. I don’t need to be babied anymore. My equipment is going to be shipped here in a few days. You know I can’t ride my bike with all that. I have everything figured out and planned.” He laughed, flashing her a smile. “I have been doing this for a while.”

“You should get a car instead of riding that death trap.” Mikasa threw him the green blanket that was folded and sitting on top of their TV. He spread it out with a frown.

“I hate being stuck in such a small space besides,” he closed his eyes, his voice softening slight, “it kind of reminds me of the maneuver gear. It has the same feeling.” Something tickled his nose and his eyes popped open He looked up to see Mikasa’s scarf hanging down into his face. He had gotten it for her years ago as a sort of remembrance. He had even wrapped it awkwardly around her neck and head, just like before. Her face was twisted into a frown as she leaned down looking into his face.

“Eren,” she said, trailing off. He could see the hesitance in her eyes, and sat up. She walked around the couch and sat next to him before speaking again. “Why do you still refuse to tell me what happened after…after the war ended?”

He heaved a sigh. “Shouldn’t you be studying for your finals? They’re in two weeks or so, right?” He tried to keep the annoyance out of his voice, but it was still there. She didn’t answer for a long moment, and they continued to stare at each other in the tense silence. The jingling of keys made them both jump. Armin walked through the door, then paused as he spotted them. His eyes widened and he almost wanted to leave his apartment, just to get away from their slight angry gazes.

“Did I miss something?” he asked as he hesitantly took a step back. “Do I need to come back later?”

Eren burst out laughing. He ran around the couch to envelope Armin in a hug. “No, stay. You came at the perfect time.”

Armin looked between them skeptically as he hugged Eren back. “Okay then, well, uh, welcome home?” He stuttered out.

After the rocky start, they decided to spend the rest of the day in the apartment, watching old movies and joking around. Eren ordered pizza, and insisted on paying for it himself. The only reason he got away with it was because Mikasa had been in the bathroom when the freckled delivery boy came. She ate it angry, but the night continued on without any more awkward encounters like earlier. Years ago, they had made a sort of pact to not talk about what had happened in their past life, because they all wanted to move on. Eren was always the one to slip up and mention some sort of offhand comment about it, even though he refused to say anything of substance.

Mikasa went to bed at midnight, after Armin reminded her that she had class in the morning. She only waved before shutting the door, still a little angry at Eren for what had happened earlier. Eren sighed, as he hit his head on the back of the couch.

Armin gave him a sidelong glance, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” Eren stood suddenly, shuffling through his pockets. “I just need to get out for a bit.” He looked around, until he spotted his box of cigarettes where he had laid it after his first smoke break. He shrugged his jacket on and Armin did the same, locking the door behind him. Eren knew they wouldn’t mind him smoking in the apartment, but being inside for so long was beginning to fray on his nerves. He had to wait for Armin at the foot of the stair for some time, and laughed when he saw his red face.

“How is it that you’re more out of breath than I am, when I’m the one with the lung killing habit?” He teased.

“Doctor’s do say second hand smoke is twice as bad, so it’s killing me twice as much as you,” Armin huffed out. Besides, you were mountain climbing and extreme swimming, while I was stuck in classes on my butt.”

Eren raised an eyebrow. “I don’t think extreme swimming’s an actual thing. Obviously you haven’t been learning much.”

“More than you.” They shared a laugh, and Eren continued to smoke. He stared out into the darkness, watching the cars on the highway pass by. Even at the marginally late hour, it was still busy. He looked over to Armin, who had been fidgeting in the silence.

“So uh,” Armin began. Eren snorted at the eloquent start. “You and Mikasa were talking about the past when I came in, weren’t you?”

He hesitated, and Eren took the chance to interrupt him. “Yeah, don’t worry about it. It was nothing.”

Armin refused to give in so easily. “Are you still refusing to tell her what happened after the war?” Eren took a deep drag, and breathed out the smoke, a frown on his face.

“Yeah. We’ve been through this a thousand times already Armin.”

“I still think you should at least give her some closure on the subject.” Armin said forcefully. Eren looked at him, furrowing his eyebrows. “I don’t think you’ve thought about it enough. You bring the past up all the time, but you refuse to tell her what happened. Anybody would be frustrated with you, and you know Mikasa takes what happens to you personally.”

“That’s exactly the problem. She’ll take it personally, no matter how I put it.” Eren gritted his teeth. “She blames herself enough for dying, and we all know that wasn’t her fault. She had no control over that. I have thought about it enough,” he accented his words with air quotes, “and I don’t want her to know. I want her to move on like I’m trying to, and like you keep telling me to.”

Armin let out a frustrated breathe. “You know, I could always tell her without her permission,” he muttered under his breath.

“But you wouldn’t do that, would you?” It wasn’t really a question. Even when they had met as kids, with fuzzy half formed memories of their past life, they had instantly become friends again. And no matter how much grief he gave Eren, Armin wouldn’t go behind his back to tell Mikasa the truth. It wasn’t his secret to tell.

“We’re never going to agree on this are we?” Armin ran his hand through his blonde locks.

Eren punched him playfully. “Nope, and I’m not going to change my mind.” Armin rubbed his shoulder, a small smile on his face.

“I’m not going to drop this either.” This wasn’t the first time they had talked in circles, and they both knew it wasn’t going to be the last.

They continued talking back and forth on lighter subject, long after Eren had finished his cigarette. Finally, Eren had pointed out Armin’s yawns enough to force him to admit how tired he really was. They took the elevator back up into the tiny apartment. Armin gave Eren a full blanket and a pillow and left to sleep for the night. Eren settled down on the couch, the TV still playing, but he wasn’t watching it. Instead he stared up at the ceiling, counting every random dot and stain until he struggled to keep his heavy lids open. At nearly four in the morning, Eren rolled over, and closed his eyes. He didn’t know whether to wish for a dream of the past, back in the Scouting Legion, or to dread it.

 

Levi rubbed his eyes as he lounged in his seat. The whole office could see him through the glass walls, with his feet atop his desk, lazily reading through the papers he had been handed earlier that day, but he couldn’t give two shit about what they thought. His feet were cleaner than half the people’s hands anyway. As he read, he took up his red pen, marking the mistakes, and sometimes scribbling out entire paragraphs. It was boring work, but he couldn’t really complain. He had chosen it after all.

“Levi,” Erwin barged into his office, and he didn’t even bother to look up, “Are you finished with the nature article? A spot just opened up in tomorrow’s printing and that’ll be a good filler.”

“Yeah I finished that piece of shit.” Levi moved his feet and begun to swirl in his chair. “Tell that shitty glasses to at least put a little effort in what she hands me or I’m just going to throw it away next time.” He didn’t care how much of a child he looked like, spinning in his chair like that. It was fun, and it showed Erwin exactly how much he cared.

“Don’t say that,” Hanji said as she strode in behind Erwin, and Levi groaned. “I gave you the only copy. If you threw it away I would have to rewrite from scratch.”

“Not my problem.” Levi wanted to bang his head on the desk, but it would give Hanji too much satisfaction, so he abstained, but just barely. Instead he ruffled through the stack of papers on his desk until he found the article of mention. He grimaced, wishing that if he stared at the coffee stains long enough, they would go away. She snatched it out of his hands, and the grin she gave him almost convinced him she did it on purpose.

“Fix it and send it to me as soon as possible,” Erwin ordered. Levi stood, trying to ignore them, and grabbed his beige winter coat from off his chair.

“I’m leaving,” he announced. He honestly didn’t care if Erwin approved or not. He had taken the job only on the promise that he would get to choose when to be in the office, and the few hours he had already sat there reading through shitty submissions, were more than he signed on for. Petra smiled at him, and he nodded back, too tired to vocalize a goodbye.

The office stopped momentarily, but as soon as the door shut behind him, the buzz of activity returned. Erwin closed Levi’s office door, beckoning Hanji to follow. She tilted her head, but did as she was told silently. She sat in the comfortable black leather chair in front of Erwin’s mahogany desk. He sat and began going through files on his computer as if he had totally forgotten her presence. Hanji nearly buzzed with impatience, bouncing in her seat. She kept her mouth shut though, knowing that Erwin wouldn’t had called her in for no reason, and she had seen the look he had cast at Levi’s back.

“Are we going to gossip about Levi or do you want the article finished?” She asked, finally breaking under the silence. “You know something he doesn’t.” She didn’t accuse him, but said it in the same pleasant voice she always used. “Should I call Mike and let him in on what you’ve got to say too? Although,” she cast a glance to her wrist, where a simple leather watch sat, “He’s probably asleep now, with the time difference and all.”

Erwin held up his hand. “That won’t be necessary for now,” he said as he turned his monitor towards her. Hanji leaned in, smiling excitedly at…

“Erwin,” she scolded. “This is a photograph of some mountains, well, the Appalachians to be exact. What does this have to do with anything?”

He chuckled. “I thought this would go well with your article about different flowers that grow at different altitudes.”

“Yeah,” she trailed off. “It would complement it well enough, but,” He smiled at her and she stopped talking.

“When I decided to take this picture, I looked at the submission information, to pay the photographer and credit him.” He pointed his finger to the bottom of the screen. Hanji looked and then jumped out of her seat.

“Well,” she said in a surprising calm voice, “This does concern Levi quite a bit.” She slowly slid back down. “Who would have though?” She muttered to herself. “How long has that just been siting there, waiting for you to find it? What if Levi had found it?” Her voice quickly elevated as a gleam in her eyes shone behind her glasses. “He’s going to be so happy, even if he doesn’t want to admit it. Wait, why haven’t you told him yet? He should still be here.” She stood up, and turned to rush out the door.

“Hanji, wait.” Erwin said, standing halfway up, “Sit back down and think for a moment.”

“Think about what? This could be the perfect chance for them to meet up after all of this time. It’s a miracle; you could almost say it’s a Christmas miracle.”

“There could be the chance that he doesn’t remember, just like Petra and the others,” Erwin said quietly, “That will hurt Levi more in the long run.”

“And you think he’ll be fine with never meeting him?” Hanji didn’t move from her position with her hand still resting on the doorknob. “It’s pretty easy to tell that he’s still torn up about the past. Hell, we all are, but Eren could bring him that bit of happiness that he had. Heal the old wounds and what not. Even if he doesn’t remember.”

“I’m not saying to never let them meet,” Erwin continued. “I just want to see him first, so I know what to tell Levi when the time comes.” Hanji finally let go of the door, and turned to him fully.

“What does that entail exactly?”

“We get most of our photographs from freelancers,” he begun. “This would be a good time to expand and get more than just Erd as a full time photographer. I’ve already went to Eren’s website, and he honestly has a talent for it. Hiring him would be a good decision for the company, and an interview would be the perfect excuse to see him and ascertain whether or not he remembers the Scouting Legion or not.”

“And if he doesn’t remember,” Hanji sat back down, “would you still let him work here?”

“That would be Levi’s choice, just as it was with Auro, Erd, Gunter, and Petra. He will know eventually, but this case,” he paused for a moment, looking her straight in the eye, “is a bit more special. I want it handled delicately.”

Even though he was no longer her commanding officer, the glint in his cold blue eyes still sent a shiver down her spine. She met his gaze in full, ignoring her own self-preservation instincts. “He will still get to know no matter what, correct?”

“Correct.” He said, but before he broke eye contact, he continued, “And I expect this conversation to stay between us for the time being” Erwin leaned back into his chair, smiling. “Now go rewrite that article for me. I’m about to call Jaeger and set up a meeting. I expect you to be done by the time I am.”

“Yes sir, Commander,” she said, as she skipped out his office. When she had gotten up that morning and didn’t trip on the tower of books like usually, she had known it was going to be a good day, and the events thus far hadn’t disappointed.

 

The next morning, Eren rolled of the couch missing Mikasa’s departure at seven, by only an hour.  Eren laid there for a bit, but finally got up and shuffled through the contents of his bag until he found something, semi-clean. He took a quick hop in the shower, not trusting the way the plumbing groaned as he turned on the faucet, but it went without a hitch. He was halfway through making breakfast, after searching the fridge for something to eat, when Armin came stumbling out of his room. Eren watched him as he rubbed his eyes, and sat at the small kitchen table, resting his head on it.

“What’cha makin’?” He asked lethargically. Eren laughed as the eggs sizzled in the pan.

“Eggs and toast, since that was the only thing you two really had in your fridge. I don’t understand how Mikasa is constantly on my ass about eating well, when your fridge is almost completely empty.

“I don’t understand how you wake up so early,” Armin muttered under his breath. He lifted his head up after Eren’s words had fully registered and glared blindly at him. “We haven’t gone shopping yet this week. And we rarely have time for breakfast anyway.” Eren hummed in response and set a plate in front of Armin. He put another egg in the pan and after a few minutes, was sitting down himself.

“How is it?” he asked. “I have some skill don’t I?” He pushed the first few disastrous times he had tried to cook out of his head. Really, how was he supposed to know that you couldn’t cook everything at the highest heat setting? It seemed like a waste of time to cook at low heat, but that had been before he had set off on his own, back with his mom. Eren sighed, before Armin brought him back to reality

“Best breakfast ever,” Armin said between bites and Eren rolled his eyes.

“Thanks,” he deadpanned. He bounced his knee up and down as he ate, alternating between staring at the TV, that was still playing some sort of detective show, and looking at the clock that rested on the wall. He sprung up as soon as he finished eating and took Armin’s plate as well. He threw the plates and pan in the sink, and with the same determination he showed with everything else he did, he began to scrub the dishes. His foot still restlessly bounced up and down, and Armin watched in fascination.

“Getting restless, already?” He finally asked, after watching Eren, curse animatedly under his breath as he dropped the sponge.

“Yes,” Eren breathed out. He rinsed off his hands and sat back down, with his head resting on the wooden surface. “I think it’s gotten worse.”

“Well, that’s to be expected. You’ve been on the road for four months straight. Rather than getting treatment for your claustrophobia, you’ve been avoiding it. Again.”

“I don’t have claustrophobia.” Eren huffed, looking to the side. “I just get restless, sitting inside for so long.” Almost as if to accent his words, Eren stood back up. He grabbed his jacket, slung on the back of the couch and went over to his bag to shuffle around for his keys. Armin rolled his eyes, and went over to the kitchen counter. He jingled Eren’s keys, but as he reached for them, Armin held them just out of reach.

“You do realize you don’t have a key for the apartment, right?” Eren opened his mouth to respond, but was interrupted by his phone ringing from…somewhere. He wanted to scream. He spun in a complete circle, and frantically threw him blanket on the floor in search for the damned thing. Who the hell was calling him this early in the morning anyway?

 Finally, he found it pushed down behind a couch cushion, and rapidly gasped out, “Hello, this is Eren Jeager.” He could almost swear he heard the caller on the other end of the line snicker before beginning to speak.

“Hello Eren. I am with Maria Publishing. Recently, I’ve looked through some of our submission files and found your work. I would like to offer you a full time job as a photographer in our office-“

“I’m sorry,” Eren said, cutting him off, “I’m not looking for a job at the moment, or any moment at that.” Eren knew he was being rude, but the voice had annoyed him somehow. The man on the line was too self-assured; it almost seemed as though he was mocking him. “I am perfectly happy as a freelancer, but thank you for the offer.”

“The job is not the only thing I would like to discuss with you, Eren. If you like we could meet for lunch at two to discuss this further.”

“I-“

“I insist. We’ll meet at Forest Grill on 34th. Is that satisfactory for you?”

“Uh, sure.” Eren rolled his eyes at Armin. He ran his hand through his messy brown locks in annoyance.

“Thank you. When you arrive just ask for me.” The amusement was back in his voice.

“And this is?” Eren trailed off, trying his best not to just hang up and forget the call had ever happened. The jerk on the other end actually had the nerve to laugh in his ear and Eren was already pulling the phone away from his ear, when he said his name. Eren slowly slid down on the couch a ringing in his ears. He set the phone down, now nothing more than a dial tone, and looked at Armin, who had moved in front of him.

“Are you okay?” Armin asked, sitting next to him. “What happened?” Eren stared at him until the words finally registered in his head. He stood up quickly.

“Holy shit.” He pushed his hand through his messy hair, his eyes as wide as saucers, “Holy shit. Shit.” He turned to look at the blond. “Armin, holy shit.”

“You’re starting to scare me now. What happened?” Eren grinned down at Armin.

“Do you know who just called me?”

“Some company asking you to work for them?” Armin trailed off. “You’re going to have to tell me.” Eren’s grin grew even larger at the annoyance in Armin’s voice.

“That was,” Eren said, nearly vibrating where he stood, “Erwin Smith.”


	2. Change of Pace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren gets angry; Levi gets angrier.

Armin didn’t know what to say, much less what to do. Eren just stood in front of him expectantly, waiting for whatever reaction his friend would have, but Armin was frozen to the spot, staring up at Eren.

“Are you gonna say anything?” Eren asked, exasperated. “Do you know what this means?”

“Eren, I don’t-“ Armin began, but Eren was walking around the room in circles. He stuffed his phone in his pocket, and growled as he looked around for his keys once again. Armin realized he had them still clutched in his hand, and took a few steps away before speaking.

“Eren, listen to me. You need to sit down a calm down.” Armin held up the keys again. “You’re not getting these, until after we talk.” Eren narrowed his green-gold eyes at him and took a step forward. Armin stepped back, but he didn’t turn his eyes away.

“Fine,” Eren forced out. “What do you want?” Armin flinched at the viciousness in his voice. He had to remind himself that Eren was his friend, he would never hurt him, no matter how much he wanted to. Armin moved around Eren and sat down on the couch.

“Tell me _exactly_ what went on in that phone call. Don’t leave anything out.” Eren sat back down slowly and took a deep breath. He really shouldn’t have an urge to punch his best friend. That wasn’t very nice of him, but he didn’t think it was too much to wish for Armin to be happy, just for a second.

 Eren told his story as quickly as possible, his leg bouncing up and down as he did. Even though it was only, he took a quick glance at his phone, nine thirty in the morning, he wanted to get out of the house as soon as he could. The walls seemed as though they were getting closer, the more he sat there. He wondered for a split second if he really did have some sort of problem, but pushed the thought back to the corners of his mind. Armin still hadn’t said anything after he finished, and it was starting to get on his nerves.

“I thought you were supposed to be smarter than me. Actually,” Eren rolled his eyes, “I know you’re smarter than me, so I don’t understand why you haven’t said anything yet.” Armin looked directly at him, and swallowed his doubts before opening his mouth.

“You think that if you see Erwin, Levi won’t be far behind.” It wasn’t a question. Eren wasn’t prepared for that and flinched, before standing back up. He began pacing the room as he wrung his hands.

“Well I-I hadn’t really-“ Eren let out a sound of frustration. “Maybe. Yes. Okay? Is that what you wanted me to say?”

”That’s what I expected you to say,” Armin said, but when Eren glared back at him, he looked away. Armin racked his brain for the best way to say what he needed; it should have been easier, considering one of his majors was psychology, but no matter how long they had been friends, Eren’s emotions always took form in the most unexpected ways. Or maybe it was just because he had more physics classes this semester and he had gotten just a bit rusty.

 “I can see you thinking Armin.” Eren said impatiently. “Just say whatever you want.” Armin flashed him a relieved smile. At least he had gotten permission.

“You’re being stupid and rash.”

“Nevermind.” Eren deadpanned. “Never say whatever you want again.”

“No, wait. Listen to me here.” Armin held up his hands to stop Eren from leaving. “I know you and Levi,” he hesitated, “had a relationship in the past, but that really doesn’t mean anything now. You’re getting your hopes up, when you don’t even know if you’ll get to meet him again. You don’t even know if they still remember.”

“I know that already.” Eren whispered as he ran his hand through his hair. “I can’t help but hope for the best though. I couldn’t help but to wait and hope all these years.” Eren didn’t mention how he had left town for a full week on his sixteenth birthday, disappearing without telling anyone. And when he had come back he still didn’t give a reason, even though both Armin and Mikasa had known. Eren had been waiting a full year, so hopeful that things would be like the past, and he would get to meet Levi when he was fifteen. After that, they hadn’t really celebrated his birthday as much.

“Eren,” Armin said softly. He didn’t want to continue, but knew he had to. “It’s practically a new world. Some things have already been rearranged and changed.Who remembers what is completely arbitrary. Jean survived the war, and Mikasa didn't, and they both remember, even though Sasha and Connie, who both died in the same battle as Mikasa don't. Mikasa is your full sister, no adoption or anything. We didn’t join the military, and maybe things changed for Levi as well. He might have moved on.”

“Some things remained the same too,” Eren said forcefully. At this point he didn’t know who he was trying to convince more. “We all still met, and we’re still friends. Jean’s still a total douchebag, and my mom still died. My dad’s still a doctor, and we still have a horrible relationship.” He took a deep shaky breath, hating how his hands were shaking, even after he had balled them into fists. “I know the chances that things will work out for the best are slim, but I won’t just forget about.” They stared at each other for a long moment, but Armin looked away first. He knew that glint in Eren’s eye; he wasn’t going to be swayed from his decision, no matter what anyone said.

“Fine. I guess this is just another thing that we’ll just have to disagree on.”

“Thanks Armin.” Eren said softly. It took him a second to really hear what Eren had said, but he just smiled when he realized it.  Armin stood and stretched.

“Now wait for me to take a quick shower, and we can get you some clothes that actually look presentable. Forest Grill is too high class for jeans.” Eren should have taken offence to that, but he couldn’t deny that the clothes he had on then had been the same pair he had worn for the last two, no three, days.

“Wait a minute,” Eren waited until Armin had turned back to look at him, “it’s Thursday. Don’t you have class?”

“Only one, but it’s the week before finals.” Armin shrugged. “We’re just reviewing, and I think I know more about calculus than my professor anyway.” Eren laughed, but didn’t stop him again. Instead, Eren grabbed his coat and took the flight of stairs back down for a badly needed smoke while he waited. He frowned as he went opened his box, and realized he had been smoking far too much recently. He should try to cut down, or quit entirely. Eren filled his thoughts with ways to quit to avoid thinking of the meeting that already had butterflies fluttering in his stomach.

 

Hanji laid her head on her desk, wishing that she didn’t have to be there that day. The newest issue had already been sent to the printers that morning, so that meant they were working on next month’s issue. Hanji picked up a pen and flung it at the tall stack of papers on her desk, but it didn’t budge an inch. She had been reading through submissions all morning, and had only seen a few that actually caught her interest, and one that would probably make it into the next issue. She smiled though, when she saw Erwin stand from his desk, with his jacket in his hand.

“Going out to lunch?” she asked a nonchalantly as she could. It wasn’t as convincing while she still had the shit eating grin on her face.

“Yes.” Erwin said as he stopped at her desk. He leaned down and spoke in a low tone. “If Levi decides to come in today, please don’t talk to him, don’t even look at him.”

“Do you not trust me, Commander?” Hanji pouted. “I can keep a secret.”

“I know that.” Erwin sighed. “Even though I hade Mike calling me this morning asking about Eren, and it had been less than twenty four hours since I had told you.”

“Well that’s different.” Hanji whined as she picked up another pen. “I promise I won’t tell Levi anything. Not a word.” She sat up in her chair and made a fist with her right hand over her heart in a mock salute.

“You really don’t have to do that anymore.” Erwin flashed her a half smile. “It wasn’t necessary then and it isn’t necessary now.”

“Whatever you say, Commander.” Erwin laughed, shaking his head.

“Don’t even look at Levi, Hanji.” Erwin said as sternly as he could. “And finish reading through that stack of papers before you leave.” He turned away and walked out. Hanji groaned.

“Petra,” she shouted in a sing song voice. “Get me a cup of coffee please.” The girl in question sighed as she put down her papers.

“Ms. Hanji, it’s past noon. You shouldn’t be having coffee at this time of the day.” Even after admonishing her, Petra still made her way to the coffee maker and set it up for another pot to be made. If she didn’t get the cup now, Hanji would continue her nagging until she clocked out. While waiting for the coffee to finish, Petra pulled her chair next to Hanji’s desk.

“So, what were you and Mr. Smith talking about earlier?” Hanji looked at her over her glasses, before laughing.

“Well, we were discussing the female titan’s true identity.” Petra joined in with her laughter.

“Don’t start telling me those silly stories again. Just tell me the truth.”

Hanji flashed her a half smile. “But you never got to hear the ending,” she whined. “You made me stop after the female titan ate you.”

“Because the story was getting too scary.” Petra said indignantly, “No one in their right mind wants to be told they were killed by a giant not human thing. The way you describe it is too freaky for me.”

“If you let me finish the story, then I’ll tell you what we were talking about.”

Petra crossed her arms, thinking. “Fine, you have a deal, but tell me your conversation first.”

“Now you can’t tell anyone,” Hanji began with a grin on her face, “but we were talking about,” she slowed down her words, letting the sentence hang in the air for a second, “Levi’s love life.” Hanji had to hold in the snort at the perfect ‘o’ Petra’s mouth had formed.

“He’s involved with someone?” Petra whispered as a blush formed on her face, “I didn’t think Levi was the type. Who could put up with him for that long?”

This time Hanji really did snort. “I wish he had heard that. Oh my god. I dare you to say that to his face.”

“No. I can’t.” Petra waved her arms, her voice squeaking slightly. “I shouldn’t have spoken so meanly in the first place.”

Hanji patted her on the back. “You just said what we all were thinking.” Hanji watched the door open, and raised her voice. “Levi’s too unsociable, rude, and all around a total-“

“Hanji.” Levi said. Petra jumped in her seat, her eyes wide.

“I have to finish your coffee.” She looked down as she dodged out of their way without looking up at either of them. Hanji giggled as she fled before turning her attention back to Levi.

“Have fun gossiping about me, shit for brains?”

“As much as usual.” Hanji grinned at him. “Two days in a row must be a record for you. I wish I could afford that.” Levi knew from years of experience that responding any more wouldn’t get Hanji to leave him alone, so he turned on his heels and begun walking towards his office. He loved having an office to shut her out; it was one of the few pleasure he had with coming in to work, but to his chagrin, she followed him in.

“What do you want?” Levi gave her the best glare he could muster, and on a normal person, it would have killed, but Hanji just ran around him so she could sit in his seat.

“Let’s have lunch together. I’ll pay.”

“No. Now get out.”

“Aww.” Hanji put her elbows on his desk, and he had the sudden urge to strangle her. Actually, the urge wasn’t that sudden; he got it almost every time they spoke. “Come on Levi. We can go to Forest Grill. It’s nice there, besides,” the tone in her voice didn’t change from the same playful annoyance, but the glint in her eyes did, “I want to talk to you about things.”

Levi raised his eyebrow. He could tell immediately that she had a secret, or something she wanted to say, about the past. “Fine, but I’m driving.” He hadn’t even had a chance to take his coat off, so he was already in the elevator while Hanji ran to catch up, her coat only half on. Hanji talked about mundane things as they walked into the parking garage across the street, and Levi tuned her out.

“You missed Erwin by an barely an hour,” Hanji said as she climbed into the passenger seat.

“Get to the point, Hanji.” Levi glanced over at her. “I don’t care about how your day went, and I really didn’t need to know that you have mystery mold in one of your mugs. That’s disgusting.”

“I think my day was interesting,” Hanji grumbled, but when Levi glared at her again, she held up her hands in surrender. “Fine, fine. I wanted to talk about some things.”

“That’s still not the point.” Levi could feel a headache coming on, but knew that kicking Hanji out would just make it worse. He was curious, dammit, and he wanted answers before he died of old age, and with the rate she was going, he was going to die.

“I would get to the point, but Erwin made me promise not to tell you, so let’s talk about the past.”

“I’m going to kill you both.” She was baiting him, and they both knew it. “What do you want?” He said between clenched teeth. She really shouldn’t get him that frustrated while he was driving.

“Why don’t you want to know what happened after you died?” Levi tightened his grip on the steering wheel. Well, he had told her to get to the point, so he really shouldn’t be that surprised. None of them had discussed anything of the past at all, except for whether or not humanity had won, which had been pretty obvious considering their new circumstances. Hanji had brought it up once before, and he had made it clear that he didn’t want to talk about it, and the issue had remained dropped.

“I don’t think it’s necessary for me to care.” He stopped at a red light and turned to look at her. “The past doesn’t matter anymore. None of it.”

“I never pegged you for someone to throw away people like that,” Hanji said lowly. She laid her head on the dashboard. Levi looked back towards the road, ignoring how her greasy hair was touching his immaculate car. He would have to wash that later.

“I’m not throwing away anyone.” He couldn’t help but be glad that the light had changed, so he wouldn’t have to look at her anymore.

“You know,” Hanji continued on as if he hadn’t said anything, “that battle that you died in turned the tide of the war in humanity’s favor. After that, there were only two more years of battling, and then no more titans.” Levi didn’t respond as he maneuvered into the crowded parking lot. “Well, there were two titans left, if you count the remaining titan shifters.”

“Hanji, shut up.” Levi laid his head on the steering wheel. His head was pounding, and there was an uncomfortable twisting in his gut; he didn’t want to hear about this. “Why does any of this matter?” He heard her open the door and lifted his head.

“Come on, Levi.” Hanji’s voice was back to its normal exuberance. “We’re here, so let’s get something to eat.” He turned the car off, unbuckled his seatbelt, and got out. He was beginning to piece together what she was getting at, and he wanted nothing to do with it. They were not about to have this conversation.

“I don’t know what the hell you want, but we are not about to-“ Levi didn’t finish his sentence as he stared at the doors of the restaurant that had just opened. He vaguely remember Hanji mentioning that Erwin had left for lunch, and the last piece of the puzzle clicked into place, as Erwin himself walked out, holding the door for one Eren Jaeger.

“Well, surprise,” Hanji shouted, “We arrived just in time. Let’s go.” Her voice shook Levi out of his shock. He grabbed her arm, tighter than he meant to, before she could move.

“Don’t you fucking dare,” he hissed, as if they could hear him. Eren was walking towards the other side of the building already. He didn’t look that different from how he remembered, just a little older. Levi hated that he remembered how the boy had looked.

“But don’t you want to talk to him?” Hanji was clearly confused as she wrenched her arm free. “This may be your only chance.”

“Good.” Levi was seeing red. “Is this,” he let out a breath trying to calm down, “what you wanted me to see?” He watched as a minute after Eren had walked out of his field of vision, a motorcycle pulled out of the lot, and finally tore his eyes away to look up at Hanji.

“I don’t understand. Shouldn’t you be happy?” Hanji looked between the road and Levi as if that would give her answers.

“I told you not to talk to Levi. Or even look at him for that matter, but obviously you didn’t listen.” Hanji swung around to face Erwin, but Levi beat her to the punch before she could answer him.

“So I guess you’re the mastermind behind this then?” Levi took a step forward, his hands balled into fists. “What exactly makes you think that you had the right?”

“That was a business meeting, Levi. He took on a freelance job for the Christmas issue.” Erwin didn’t seem to be fazed, and even had the audacity to smile. “He is a very gifted photographer. I offered him a permanent job, but his refusal was adament.”

“Don’t you give me that bullshit.” Levi really wished he was taller, so that he didn’t have that prick staring down at him. “You know the real reason you met with him, of all people, behind my back.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Hanji stood in between them. “I don’t understand why you’re so angry Levi.”

“I’m angry because you two,” he pointed at both of them for accent, “decided to shove your shit filled heads into my business: where it doesn’t belong.” Levi crossed his arms and leaned back on his car. He really shouldn’t be as angry as he was, but he couldn’t stop the feeling from seeping into every bone in his body. He had been having a marginally good day before this shit storm had begun.

“I thought it was for the best for this situation to be handled delicately.” Erwin said, “Hanji wanted to tell you from the beginning, but I wanted to meet with Eren again and see what he remembers of the past. And from our conversation, he probably remembers everything.”

Levi didn’t look at Erwin, but past him at that stupid restaurant that started the whole fiasco. Eren was alive in this life, and he remembered everything of their past. Levi’s frown deepened. And from what he had seem, the age gap between them had lessened, making Eren legal by this society’s standards. He had to stop himself from thinking about it anymore than he already had. He had nothing to do with Eren now. Levi turned on his heels and opened his car door.

“Hanji ride back with Erwin. I’m going back home.”

“But-“ Hanji reached out towards him, but Erwin placed his hand on her shoulder, stopping her.

“And for future clarification.” Levi sneered out. “I never want to talk about this again. Eren Jaeger,” the name tasted wrong in his mouth, “is the last person I want to see and or talk about.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that this took over a week for me to write. I at least hope this is presentable, but if there are any mistakes, then leave me a comment and I'll fix it. Expect the next chapter either friday or saturday hopefully.  
> And I promise the ships will sail..............eventually. :)


	3. Talking About Nothing at All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren is tired of just talking, especially when it comes to his feelings.

When Eren had walked into that restaurant, he had been a slight nervous wreck. The place was dimly lit, he noticed, as he was led to a plush black booth, and that just added to his stress. If he was going to be stuck in an unfamiliar building, then he wanted to be able to see clearly at the very least. Even after the long ride there, Eren was still conflicted.

He tugged helplessly on the collar of his blue dress shirt as he approached, trying to breathe past the lump in his throat. On the way over, he had realized that Erwin Smith wasn’t exactly an odd name; it really could have been anyone, but one look at his face and Eren knew he was looking at his old commander.

“Mr. Jaeger,” Erwin stood and held out his hand, “nice to meet you.”

“Just call me Eren,” he said mechanically. He sat just as stiffly, looking anywhere but at his face.

“No need to be nervous, Eren, I’m just a normal man.” Eren jumped at his words. He was just being far too paranoid. There was no way that Erwin was hinting at anything with just one vague phrase.

“I’m sorry,” Eren tried to smile, but just as Mikasa had told him several times before, it came out more like a grimace. “I didn’t mean to seem uncomfortable.”

 Luckily for him, the waiter came back at that moment with their drinks. Eren hid his face behind the menu, trying to formulate some sort of plan. He had to try and figure out whether or not Erwin remembered without sounding crazy, as well as learning if he had a connection to Levi. It was all too confusing for him, and he wished he had talked it over with Armin a bit more before they parted ways. He was the planner. Eren worked much better when someone else told him what to do, which in retrospect, didn’t sound that good.

“Are you ready to order sir, or do you need more time?” The waiter asked and Eren had to actually look at the laminated paper in front of him. He rattled off the first thing he saw and handed the menu back to the man. They sat in silence for a moment that seemed to be forever for Eren.

“Not to rush you, but I would like to discuss the details of the job I offered you earlier.” Erwin said, leaning back in his chair. “Currently, we have only one full time photographer on staff, Erd Jinn,” Eren bit his lip to stop himself from saying anything when he heard that name, “and we are looking to expand our office a bit. Looking through your work, I have come to the conclusion that you would make a great contribution to our office.”

Eren mentally patted himself on the back for not interrupting his speech at all, even though it wasn’t the first time he had heard it. “I’m not currently looking for a desk job, and I don’t planning on getting one anytime in the near future,” His tone came out a little petulant, and Eren couldn’t help but to add a little, “like I said over the phone,” just for spite.

“Is there nothing that will change your mind, Eren? I assure you the pay is quite well. You will be able, for the most part, to choose your own work hours, and continue travelling, if that is what worries you.”

Even though he had been, literally, in that same situation many times before, Eren still couldn’t stop himself from getting annoyed. “Nothing will change my mind.” He said forcefully, “I don’t want to work in an office at all.” Erwin quirked a brow, and Eren wondered if, maybe, he had gone too far. I wouldn’t be the first time he lost business because of his mouth. So far the situation he found himself in wasn’t as special as it had seemed earlier in the day.

Erwin laughed, much to Eren’s relief. “I should have expected stubbornness out of you, Eren. You are known for it, after all.”  Eren could feel his mouth hanging open in the most unattractive way possible.

“Was that-?” He left the sentence hanging, unsure of where to go after that. He wasn’t famous, so the chances of Erwin hearing about him from others in the field were slim to none. He nearly growled when the waiter came back with their food, interrupting his train of thought. Eren felt as though he was being tested, and considering who he was talking to, it wouldn’t have been that far off.

Erwin didn’t say anything misleading again, instead asking Eren about mundane things. Eren didn’t care about his normal work schedule, or his experience, or what he worked with the best. Eren just wanted answers to the questions he was too scared to ask. If he made a fool of himself, which he had done several times before, asking about a world of titans where Erwin had been the commander of a military legion working to eradicate the monsters, Eren might lose his only clue to Levi. He felt a constriction in his chest and didn’t answer the next question as readily as the first few.

There were almost done with their meals, when Eren remembered what else they had discussed during the morning phone call. “Excuse me,” he said, “When we talked earlier, you mentioned another job you wanted filled?”

“Ah, yes.” Erwin said as though he hadn’t forgotten at all, “It’s a Christmas spread for the special issue. We usually don’t have a focus on pictures, so Erd alone, along with a few freelance pictures here and there, handled most of it. But I think this would be too much for him, and because I want more localized pictures. I thought you could help us out.”

Eren chewed his food thoughtfully. He had planned on spending the holiday on a break from work. He really didn’t need the money. His mother had left him a trust fund that had originally been planned for college, but now he used it for travel fees. He hadn’t exactly made a dent in the large sum of money he had found in his hands. Actually, with his job it had stayed about the same for the last year or so.

But the job meant a connection to a world that he didn’t want to let go.

“I don’t specialize in pictures of people.” Eren felt he had to add, even if he really didn’t want to refuse the job. “And I won’t have all of my supplies until later this week.”

“I understand, but the few you had on your site assured me that you could handle it. Our deadline is the twentieth, so you should have ample time to finish.” He smiled again, and Eren wondered if he had ever seen the man frazzled at all. It must have been tiring to constantly smile and look so pleasant.

“Fine,” Eren said as the waiter took away their empty plates. He reached into his pocket for a wrinkled card. “Here. You can send me the specifics.” The waiter dropped the check off in front of them, and before Eren could vocalize his objection, Erwin had already laid down three twenties. He mentally shrugged and stood along with the man. He wasn’t going to fuss about who gets to pay. A free meal was a free meal.

They walked to the door, and Eren had a moment of panic. He had done almost none of what he had set out to do, and had only listened to Erwin ramble on and ask him questions. Eren steeled himself, as Erwin held the door open, to stay anything that would even hint at the past, but Erwin beat him to talking.

“Here’s my card, if you have any questions,” Erwin said, but he wasn’t looking at Eren, but over his shoulder at something in the parking lot. Eren wanted to turn around and see what exactly was going on, but Erwin continued talking, “Feel free to come to the office if you change your mind, or for any questions you have. If I’m not there, you can talk to the co-editors, Hanji Zoe, or Levi Smith.”

Eren froze and felt his heart beat painfully in his chest. Then the entirety of what he said made him want to puke up his overpriced steak. _Smith._ For the first time since the whole fiasco began, Eren actually hoped that it wasn’t the same person.

“Levi’s my adopted brother.” Erwin said and Eren looked him in the face. He felt the suffocating weight lift off his heart, but there was something in Erwin’s eyes that Eren recognized. He knew. Eren couldn’t breathe because he knew, and he was sure of it. Eren didn’t say anything as he took the card and shook Erwin’s hand. He walked over to his motorcycle, put his helmet on, and started the engine. He really shouldn’t ride in the condition he was in, but he couldn’t pinpoint what exactly he was feeling. His brain was being oversaturated, and he knew if he tried to sort it out, then he would just be a puddle of messy emotions.

He rode away without a second glance.

 

He rode around in circles until his head completely cleared, and then some. Only his dangerously empty gas tank made him stop his- whatever he was doing. After filling his tank, he decided to head back to the apartment and try to figure things out. He needed to talk to someone smarter than he was, and Armin fit the bill perfectly.

 He sighed in relief when the door handle turned without a problem. After walking up the stairs again, which was more tiring than it looked, the last thing he needed was to sit outside and wait for one of them to get back. Armin had assured Eren that he would wait until he got back, and even though he had been riding around for hours, Eren was happy he had kept his promise.

“Armin,” he called as he walked in, “I don’t know what to do. Levi works with Erwin and I think at least Erwin remembers, but the more I think about it, the more I’m not sure, and they’re brothers, and I have a new job, and I feel like I was the one being questioned.” He let out a half-laugh as he shrugged his jacket off. “You know how he likes to mind fuck people, just like you.” There was no response and Eren looked around. “Armin?”

“He just left.” Mikasa said as she opened her door. Eren hated being surprised, and he had lost count of how many times he had been surprised in that one day.

“Mikasa,” he tried to sound nonchalant, “did you just get back from class? How’d it go?” She ignored him and sat at the kitchen table.

“Erwin.” She said, and the false smile fell off his face. “And Levi?” She said his name with distaste. “What exactly were you doing when you went out?”

Eren sighed. “I got a call this morning about a job with a magazine, Rose Publishing, I think? And had a lunch meeting about it.” He really wished she would just take that explanation and drop it, but he knew her better than that.

“From who?”

He chewed his lip, trying to stall as long as possible. “Erwin Smith,” he mumbled. She scowled back at him.

“And of course when you went, you asked him about Levi, or was he there too?” Eren curled his hands into fists and took a deep breath. Getting angry would only make things worse.

“No, he wasn’t there and I didn’t ask. Erwin mentioned that they work together.” Eren realized he was still standing and slowly sunk down on the couch, as far away from Mikasa as possible. They could still see each other at least.

“Does he remember anything?” She growled out, her expression darkening.

“I’m not sure. Look, Mikasa, this is nothing. Don’t worry about it.” He tried to smile again, but dropped it almost immediately.

“But you’re willing to tell Armin.” Eren opened his mouth to interrupt, but she continued, “Is it because he survived, because he knows everything?” Her voice began to rise, “I don’t understand why you’re so hung up about a little short bastard, who you were only dating for what? Two years?” Her hands were clutched in her scarf. “Have you even tried to move on Eren? This isn’t healthy for you.”

“What about you?” Eren was seeing red, and he didn’t bother to reign his voice in. “How many people have you dated in this lifetime?”

“Don’t turn this around on me,” she stood and he did the same. “I’m not hung up on a guy that didn’t deserve me. I’m not obsessed with a past that isn’t coming back.”

“If you don’t care so much,” Eren shouted, “then stop asking about it. Just drop it Mikasa, because I’m never going to tell you what happened.” She had hit a nerve and they both knew it, and he was going to hit back.

“Is that how you really feel, Eren?” Her voice was barely above a whisper, but in his rage filled haze, it didn’t register.

“Yes, that’s ‘how I really feel’. Stop, trying to be my mom, and just leave me alone.” He grabbed his jacket and slammed the door shut behind him. He stood in front of the door for a second, but then the world started to spin around.

The walls were closing in on him and he struggled to breathe. He knew what was happened and ran for the staircase. He had to get out of there. He covered his mouth to stop himself from hyperventilating, breathing through his nose, and shuddered as his hand touched the wall, walls that were spinning closer to him. Just as he was beginning to think the staircase was endless, and he would be crushed in them, he reached the door. He took five steps away from the building before he put his hands on his knees, and caught his breath.

He didn’t know how long he stood there until he finally straightened up, able to breathe properly again. He reached into his pocket for a cigarette, and began walking. The direction didn’t really matter to him. He hoped he wouldn’t end up anywhere very dangerous, but he just had to move, to go somewhere. With the state he was in, riding his motorcycle would kill him, so he moved his legs and breathed out smoke.

He had thought he felt bad earlier, but adding actual nausea to a growing headache, and heartache, made him wish he could curl up and pass out. Not die, because dying meant he couldn’t finish what he had started.

Mikasa’s words had just challenged him more, made sure that he would see whatever _this_ was, through ‘til the end. He inhaled a little harder than he intended and began coughing. Just thinking about Mikasa was making him angry again, so he looked around for anything to distract him. Actually strike that. He looked around to figure out where the hell he had gotten himself.

Growing up he had lived on the outskirts of town, and he knew that Mikasa’s and Armin’s college was somewhat nearby. He had been there a few times visiting, but he didn’t recognize any of the streets he was on, and, as he walked slowly around in a circle, he realized he couldn’t see the apartment building anymore either. He couldn’t have been moving for that long, so he sighed and kept walking. He didn’t want to go back just yet to Mikasa and her judgment.

He was beginning to get cold without the sun’s rays warming him up anymore, and standing around wasn’t going to fix that. There weren’t that many people around to see how silly he looked in his dress shirt and pants, with a leather jacket, walking around aimlessly, and the though made him laugh.

That whole day had been so emotionally draining, that he didn’t know what to do, or how to handle it, so he just laughed. If anything, the drama had started yesterday between Mikasa and him. There were three weeks until Christmas, and it felt nothing like it, because he had just gotten angry for something the, if he was being truthful, was partly his fault anyway. He should do something about that.

Eren ruffled his hair and groaned, and turned bright red when he noticed the woman passing by staring at him. But he looked back over his shoulder to make sure he hadn’t imagined the hot cup of coffee in her hand. He finally started walking with a purpose until he found the Starbucks she had come from, and grinned. It wasn’t the best looking coffee shop he had ever seen, so he hoped that it wasn’t as overcrowded as he was used to.

Luck wasn’t with him, so he decided to take his gingerbread latte and sit outside. It mostly defeated the purpose of getting coffee to warm up, but he had dealt with enough for one day, and his problems weren’t about to go away any time soon, so he was just going to have to deal with the cold for a little longer. Halfway through his drink, Eren checked his phone, realized it had been on silent since lunch, and saw that he had three missed calls, two from Mikasa, and one from Armin.

 He smiled as he began to play the first voicemail. _I know you’re angry at me, and I’m still angry with you, but don’t stay out for too long or you’ll freeze._

 Eren felt a tinge of guilt, but ignored it and started the second message. _Stop ignoring me, Eren. Armin just got back and told me your motorcycle was still here. If you’re lost please call one of us to pick you up and stop wandering around._ She sounded more irritated, but Eren laughed because she really did know him too well.

Eren started the third voicemail, from only half an hour ago, knowing already the gist of the message. _Eren, its Armin. Mikasa made me call you because you’re apparently ignoring her and wandering the streets lost. Call me back or she’s going to make me come out and find you._

He ended the call with every intention of calling them back immediately for a ride, but a hand on his shoulder made him jump in his seat. He turned around about ready to throw a retort, but the only thought left in his brain when he saw who was touching him, had something to do with ‘too many fucking surprises’.

“Eren?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Levi in this chapter, but he will make his comeback next time ;)  
> I was literally done with this chapter on saturday night, decided to wait to post it on sunday, and fucking forgot about it. I'm so fucking sorry omg, real life is a bitch sometimes. Anyway, due to real life the next chapter won't be out until January 1st, I'll try to get it out sooner, but no promises.


	4. Inaction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren teases and almost gets killed. Levi doesn't want to listen.

They stared at each other for a long moment. Eren sighed and turned back towards the table he was sitting at.  He put his phone down next to his coffee, and laid his head down. His head hurt, his heart hurt, and his throat kind of hurt too. He wanted to be in a nice warm bed, a thick blanket wrapped around himself, thinking about where to head to next, but he was lost in the city with a too thin jacket that didn’t match his dress shirt in any way.

“Eren?” She repeated, and he groaned.

“Just sit down.” Eren heard the squeak from the chair opposite to him, but didn’t raise his head.  “I remember everything from the past, just so you know.” He sighed and closed his eyes. “Just give me a second.”

“Are you alright?” She asked in that same monotone voice he was used to, but there was a slight accent that he couldn’t place in the state of mind he was in. “I really didn’t expect this conversation to go like this.”

“I’m sorry,” he said automatically. He hated how he could feel the sting of tears in his eyes. “I’m just tired and cold and lost and angry, and believe it or not, you’re not the first person to approach me from the past today, and I need a second. I am happy to see you, but I-“ He stopped talking as something landed on his head. Eren finally sat up as he pulled whatever it was off of himself. He looked down at the hoodie, and looked towards her for answers.

“You just said you were cold.” She spoke with her head turned towards the side. “I can’t really help you with any of your other problems, but that’ll keep you warm at least.”

“You’ve always been too nice, Annie.” He smiled, and she looked down at the table. He slipped the jacket, which had been too big for her, over his head, and almost sighed from the instant warmth it brought.

“I’m not nice at all,” she mumbled and Eren laughed. Her expression didn’t change much, but he could see the slight blush on her cheeks.

“Sorry,” he said again. “I was being a total jerk.”

“Yeah,” Annie deadpanned, “you were.” He winced, but recognized the slight teasing glimmer in her eye. She seemed easier to read now, softer somehow. Her blonde hair was longer, but still tied up, and she was still as short as ever.

“You work here?” He asked, noticing the nametag on the green shirt she was wearing.

“Yep. My shift just ended.” She didn’t elaborate any further and Eren continued to sip on his coffee that had already become closer to lukewarm than hot. He closed his eyes, trying to will away the headache that had formed.

“So,” he began, because he had never been good at talking to anyone really. The fact that Mikasa and Armin were his friends had happened more through luck than anything. Even in a new life where he didn’t have a single minded vendetta against titans, he couldn’t find it in himself to put in the effort for new friends.

“So?” Annie raised one of her eyebrows and Eren jumped. He really needed to stop zoning out so often. He added that to his list of problems and took another sip of his coffee.

“So, how long have you been in the city? I grew up here, along with Armin, Mikasa, Thomas, Franz, Jean, Sasha, and Connie. Only Armin, Mikasa, and Jean have memories though. Jean moved away I think, but I’m staying with Armin and Mikasa right now.”

“I came here a few months ago, for school.” She said, ignoring his ramblings. “I grew up in Germany.”

“You must go to the same school as Armin and Mikasa then.”

She glanced at him, before looking down at the table. “Berthold and Reiner grew up with me. Neither of them remember anything.” Eren felt the smile slide off his face. That old anger that he had buried simmered up inside of him.

“At least they’re doing good.” He really did try his best to sound sincere, but he ended up sounding constipated more than anything. He hadn’t realized that their betrayal still hurt, and finding that out again momentarily took him off guard.

“No need to pretend, Eren. What they did to us was unforgivable.” She paused and looked at him. “Just remember I was part of that as well.”

“Annie,” he sighed out, letting his head fall back on the table. “I don’t want to get into another argument today.”

“Another?”

“Yes, another. This morning I got a call from Erwin, then argued with Armin. And then after talking with Erwin and learning that he knew Levi, who may or may not remember--I’m still not sure about that--I opened my big mouth and argued with Mikasa, which made me leave and walk around the city until I got lost.” He sucked in a much needed breath after speaking, and felt as though he had just climbed a mountain. He _had_ climbed mountains before and it was totally the same feeling.

“Levi?” She leaned her head into her hand. Eren shifted in his seat, so he could still see her with his head on the table.

“I know. I’m supposed to have moved on by now and be dating other people. Mikasa gave me that lecture already.” He sighed. “It’s not like I haven’t tried.”

“Really?” She lifted her eyebrow again in that condescending way, and Eren really wished he could do that too.

“Don’t give me that. I’ve been on dates, even if I haven’t really _dated_ anyone. That counts.” He suddenly lifted his head, and flashed her a grin. “And what about you?”

“What about me?” Eren really hated how she could do that so easily, but he had something on her and he wasn’t going to give it up so easily.

“Have you moved on?”

“Moved on from what?” She remained aggravatingly passive, and Eren didn’t feel any better about talking to her. Honestly, she was being annoying.

“Why do you always avoid it when I ask you a question?” Eren nearly growled out.

“Avoid what?” she asked and he wanted to reach across the table and slap her, but she could probably still beat his ass if he tried. He knew from the glimmer in her eyes, though that she was fucking with him.

Eren narrowed his eyes into a glare and had a sudden flash of inspiration. He grinned as he picked up his phone from off the table. Annie just gave him a quizzical look, and took his coffee to sip on. He wasn’t even angry about that because the phone was already pressed against his ear. It rung a few times, before Armin answered him.

“Where are you?” Armin sounded irritated.

“Hey Armin,” Eren said, and Annie’s attention was directly on him. “I’m at a Starbucks on, uh,” he racked his brains for the street name, “34th? I think that’s it.”

“How is it that you can get lost so easily? Whatever, just stay there.” Armin sighed, but Eren continued over him.

“You wouldn’t believe who I met, and I bet she wants to see you too.” Annie jumped across the table at him, and grabbed the phone from out of his hand, and immediately hung up. Eren laughed, even as she gave him a look that would have literally killed him at any other moment. She slammed his phone down on the table with unnecessary force.

“I’m leaving.” She began to walk away immediately and it took Eren a second for his brain to catch up. He quickly tossed the empty cup in the bin as he sped walked to her. He thought he had fucked up horribly, until he saw the blush on her face, and had to turn away to stop from laughing at her again.

“You know, he’s not dating anyone.” Eren said between his giggles. Annie stopped and punched him in the arm. Hard. He winced, but continued along behind her as she kept walking.

“That doesn’t matter.” She fished in her pockets for her keys.

“Just admit you have a crush.” She stopped next to a red mustang in the parking lot, and turned to look at him. She grabbed his collar and held him against the car.

“I don’t have a crush.” She was bright red, and he didn’t believe a word she said, but he didn’t have enough balls to call her out on it while she was holding him up with a threat clear in her eyes.

“Whatever you say.” He couldn’t help the slight teasing in his voice. She continued glaring as she let him fall to the floor.

“Bye,” she said. Annie opened the door and Eren rushed to tap on the window. She rolled her eyes as she rolled it down.

“You’re really going to leave?” Eren gave her his best beaten puppy look. “Come on, I was joking.” She sighed and rubbed her head.

“I’m leaving.” She said, but as he continued giving her the same look, she sighed again. “Maybe we could all get together later. I don’t think I can handle more than one person today.” She started her car and Eren backed away.

“We can meet up for Christmas,” he shouted as she pulled away, and she waved back. He figured that was the closest thing he was getting to a ‘yes’, so he shrugged and walked back to his seat outside to wait for Armin.

 

Levi sat on his veranda, hoping that the freezing air would clear his mind. He had one hell of a view; the perfect place to watch a sunset and see the stars in the sky. Well, as perfect as it was going to get in a big city. But as he downed his third glass of wine and absentmindedly rubbed the card in his hand, he realized that he wasn’t being distracted at all.

He stood and grabbed his wine, glass, and laptop that he had closed hours ago. The warmth from his sparse apartment made him wonder why he had though sitting there freezing his balls would really help him with anything. Methodologically, Levi set the laptop in the middle of his desk, and went over to the sink. He set the glass down, and opened the fridge with his free hand to put away the wine.

After that was done, he stood in the hall, between his bedroom and his office. He hadn’t been back to the office since that disastrous Thursday, which meant two days that had put him horribly behind on his work, because he was too busy thinking about- He scowled and opened his office door. Even if he was a little tipsy, he could still get something done. But as he sat down and reopened his laptop, he saw the card he hadn’t really realized he still had in his hands, and finally gave in to the thoughts that had plagued him.

 _Eren Jaeger,_ the card read, with his contact information below it, but it was the name printed on the card that entranced him. Erwin had stopped over just to give the wrinkled, and slightly coffee stained, card to him. Levi had slammed the door in his face, but not before taking it. It was just one stupid name that he shouldn’t still care about because the past was done and over with, and he already—

Levi sighed as the doorbell rang. It was the middle of the night and he was in no mood to deal with anyone. And seeing how Hanji and Erwin were the only people who ever visited him, he definitely didn’t want to be bothered.  Still, he opened the door to Hanji’s annoyingly happy face.

“Happy Saturday,” she said as she walked in without his permission. She set the bags in her hands on his kitchen counter, then went back to the foyer to take off her shoes. She did that every time, so Levi didn’t understand why it still made him angry.

“Go away.” Levi grabbed the bags without looking in them and shoved them at her chest. “I’m sleeping.”

“No you’re not,” she took the bags back, but sidestepped around him into his kitchen. “I brought dinner as an apology.” He could feel the frown lessen on his face. Even if he questioned her methods sometimes, Hanji was still a damned good cook, and he hadn’t really eaten anything since lunch.

“Fine,” he said as he sat down on the couch. He blamed Erwin more than Hanji anyway; it was obvious who the mastermind in their convoluted plan. He flicked on the tv to tune out her humming as she made a mess of his kitchen. She made comments as he watched some sort of documentary about lions, but she knew that he wasn’t listening. Levi was sure that she only talked to hear her own voice.

“Do I have to eat at the table, or can I join you in the living room?” Hanji asked like she was serious, but she had already set her plate down on the couch. Levi sighed, and only gave his kitchen a glance. He hadn’t really wanted to add cleaning to his night, but there was no way in hell he was going to leave his kitchen like that overnight.

But then she handed him a plate of chicken alfredo, and he let himself stop caring. It really was an apology meal if she was supplying his favorites. At least he didn’t have to listen to her talk while she ate, but when he finished she took his plate and he could hear the water in the sink going.

“Are you really cleaning up your mess?” He asked increduosly.

“Oh come on.” she put her wet hands on her hips. “You act like I’ve never cleaned before.”

“You haven’t.” He stood and made his way to the kitchen. “And quite frankly, you’re starting to scare me, so hand it over.” He went to grab for the sponge in her hand, but she held it out of his reach.

“No you don’t.” He could hear the obnoxious grin in her voice. “This is an apology dinner, with an added I’m sorry clean up. So just sit back down, poor yourself another glass of wine, and let it happen.”

“Hanji,” he said warningly.

“Levi.”

 He groaned and covered his face in annoyance. “I like to clean,” he spoke slowly to try to get through her thick skull, "so don’t you think it would be more of an apology if you let me at least help you?”

She shifted from foot to foot in a little awkward dance. “Okay, you win, but only because I have no clue where most of your dishes go.” Levi rolled his eyes, and began rinsing the dishes she passed over to him. After a few minutes had passes though, Levi knew Hanji wanted _something._

She was doing the dishes fine, not exactly to his standard, but he could let that slide for a night. Nothing about her expression had really changed either. If anyone else had been looking at them, they would have thought she was just concentrating on the task at hand.

Levi frowned though because she wasn’t talking.

Silence was blessed and golden and perfect, but no with Hanji because when she didn’t take a chance to talk, it meant that she was planning something. And considering the last conversation they had, the reason she was apologizing, it didn’t take Levi long to put two and two together. He opened his mouth to change the subject that hadn’t even really been brought up yet, but Hanji beat him by barely a second.

“Levi,” she said in that serious voice that he was starting to hate more than her normal voice. “I really am sorry about what happened the other day. I shouldn’t have let Erwin make plans around you, and I should have told you what he was doing instead of dragging you around.” He didn’t respond, because he knew she wasn’t done. There was an uncomfortable beat of silence.

“Just say whatever you need to say. You’ve never hesitated before,” he sounded angrier than he actually was, but he was tired, so he didn’t bother to correct himself. Another moment passed and he was quickly losing patience.

“After the war, Annie and Eren were both put to trial.” Levi was happy that he had a pan in his hands, instead of a glass. With how tightly he was holding the pan, he would have shattered the glass. Hanji continued on, and he didn’t know whether or not to listen, “Even though by that time Erwin had considerable influence in the capital, he couldn’t stop the trials. Annie was sentenced to death by execution, and Eren,” she smiled bitterly, “for his willingness to fight with humanity, was given a lesser sentence of imprisonment for the rest of his life.”

“Hanji, stop.” His voice sounded weak to his own ears, but he didn’t want to hear anymore. He had made his decision a long time ago.

“Keep listening.” It was the closest she had ever gotten to giving him a command. She took a deep breathe. “A few hours after Eren’s trial ended, both he and Annie completely disappeared. No one knew where they had gone. Armin and Jean were questioned for days, but even they didn’t have any clue.” She looked at him for the first time since she had started talking. “They were the only ones from the Special Operation Squad to survive until the end.” Levi couldn’t help the slight flinch from her words.

“They were gone for almost a year, but then they reappeared together in the capital. Neither of them resisted their arrests.” Hanji sighed. “Annie was executed the next day. Eren was” she hesitated, searching for the right word, “asked about what had happened during his disappearance, but after a few weeks, it was clear that he wasn’t telling anyone anything. He was then left alone to serve his sentence. He died—“

Levi let the pan drop from his hands and walked away. He opened the door to the veranda, walked out, and closed it behind him. He just wanted to appreciate his perfect view, not think about how much Eren had suffered. The past was the past. It didn’t have anything to do with him now.

He had grown up in a nice house, with adopted parents that loved him, and still sent him cards for every major holiday that he didn’t go home for. He wasn’t humanity’s strongest anymore, not even close, but an editor that read papers for a living. The only thing separating him from normal ordinary people were those memories that he never asked to keep.

 Levi didn’t want to remember a pair of yellow-green-blue eyes that had always worshiped ever step he took, even when he grew up and that affection changed into an embarrassing crush. Levi didn’t want to remember how every few months Eren would come into his office so excited because he had grown even taller, and he knew how much that annoyed Levi. Levi didn’t want to remember how, a year after the first Special Operations squad had died, he caught Eren crying about it, and that was when Levi realized how much he really cared about a stupid kid with too much pressure on his shoulders.

He stopped himself from thinking there, because he was getting close to dangerous territory. He had made his choice; he couldn’t go back on it now. He leaned on the railing, and wished he had brought the bottle of wine with him again, so he could finish it off, and stop thinking for a few hours.

Hanji stepped out beside him. He assumed she had finished the dishes without him, while he cooled his head in the frigid air. He weighed his options in his mind. He was long past being angry, but she had told him things he wasn’t ready to hear, that he didn’t want to hear.

“Why did you tell me that?” His voice sounded hoarse, and she jumped and looked at him in surprise.

“I-I thought you were going to kick me out.” He continued to stare at her and she took the hint. “Well, it took me a while to figure out why you got so angry. Yeah, I expected you to be annoyed that we were meddling, but I didn’t think you would be downright furious.” Levi felt a twinge of guilt, that maybe, he had been a little harsh.

“Sorry,” he mumbled.

Hanji didn’t comment, but her eyebrows did shoot up, and she had to cough into her hand to cover up her surprise. “Anyway, I realized that you didn’t even want to acknowledge the past at all, and I kind of get that.” She smiled softly. “We were given another chance in a peaceful world, so we should use it to the fullest, right?”

“Yeah, something like that.”

“I thought so.” She nodded to herself. “I guess I don’t think that’s quite right though. We were given a second chance, with our memories, in order to cherish what we have now, and reconnect with the things we lost. I think you should at least talk to Eren again, and hear what he wants.”

Levi blinked up at her, the closest he was going to get to his jaw hanging open. He could hear loud and clear as to what she was hinting at, and he wanted to be able to negate it instantly, but what she was saying was true. He ran his hand through his hair, and walked briskly back inside. Hanji followed him, looking as though she was going to say more, but he didn’t kick her out like she expected. Instead he grabbed the bottle of wine, and took a gulp, glass be damned. He leaned against the counter and braced himself.

“Finish what you were saying.”

“Huh?” Hanji looked between his face and the bottle he had set on the counter, obviously confused.

“You never finished telling me about the past, and I want to know everything."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Halfway done and things are finally starting to happen! So sorry for the temporary get away, but at least something's happening in the chapter. The story really focuses on what happened after the war ends, so there aren't many spoilers for the actual manga, but I'm not making any promises that it'll stay that way. Be wary!  
> The next chapter will come within a week. I'll try to get it done before school starts up again.


	5. Moving Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren mans the fuck up.

_Eren had lost count of the days they had spent in the dense wilderness, but he knew at least a few months had passed since he had last seen Wall Maria. Although, he mused, the walls would probably be completely gone by the time he returned. If he ever did return._

_He looked ahead, towards Annie. She was absorbed in her task, cutting down branches with the semi-dull blade she had. Even as they followed along a river-at least that’s what Armin’s book had called the winding, twisting water- Eren still struggled to keep his balance around the plants under his feet. Their journey would have been much easier, if they had just used their titan forms to travel, but they didn’t need to discuss why that wasn’t an option._

_“Where are we going?” He asked later, when they had settled down for the night. Annie had used the maneuver gear she had stolen from someone to hunt a deer down for them to eat. It was amazing how abundant life was, when he had grown up with so little. These animals were so unused to humanity’s presence that they basically walked into the pot._

_She didn’t respond, like always, continuing her task of lighting a fire. Eren traced the scars on his hand to distract himself, scars that no longer went away nearly as fast as they used to. Annie hadn’t spoken for weeks, and he couldn’t force himself to really care._

_He was having a hard time forcing himself to care about a lot of things. He knew Armin was still alive, along with the Commander, Hanji and Jean, but so many of his comrades had died. He felt that hollow ache in his chest, which never really went away anymore. He laid down where he was sitting and covered his eyes with his arm._

_“What are we doing here?” He asked, trying to hold back the emotion in his voice. Usually it was so much easier. After a day of walking behind Annie, he would lay down and let his exhaustion force him into a dead sleep. He wouldn’t have to think about Mikasa, or Connie and Sasha, or Ymir and Christa, or Captain Levi. Everyone who had died, everyone he was supposed to protect._

_He could feel the tears beginning to seep out his eyes. He was so tired, so past tired, that he couldn’t hold back the torrent of emotion anymore. He didn’t care that Annie could see him shaking in a moment of weakness, because that weakness was all he had left inside him anymore. It was the little bit of stubbornness that stopped him from wailing like a child._

_Later, when he had sat back up, Annie took one glance at him before opening her mouth. “You’ll see,” she whispered, a slight hoarseness to her voice. When he just stared at her, amazed that she was saying anything at all, she looked down in her lap. “You’ll see when we get there.”_

Eren thrashed around, trying to untangle himself from whatever he was encased in. He fell from the couch, and in his still half-asleep state, he crawled away from the blanket. He curled up on the floor, one hand covering his mouth. He strained to keep himself from hyperventilating, but he was still dizzy, and his eyes still stung with the tears that had escaped while he was sleeping.

Quietly, he stood and grabbed a few of his things. The rest of his supplies had been delivered that Monday, and he carefully organized them in his bag, the routine calming him slightly.  He threw on Annie’s hoodie, some pants, and closed the door behind him. He shuffled his feet as he locked the door with Mikasa’s key, and tried his damnedest not to run down the stairs again.

No matter how bad he felt, he wasn’t going to let himself do that more than once while he was visiting. He was fine. He didn’t need help, and he definitely wasn’t some sort of freak who couldn’t handle walking down stairs. He wouldn’t admit to himself that he sped up just a little when he got to the last few steps.

The sun was just beginning to rise, the sky still more gray than blue. He began walking towards his motorcycle, until he realized he had left his helmet back in the apartment. He cursed under his breath. If he had still been in his reckless teenage years, he would have ridden without a care, but after a few years and more than a few tickets, he decided against it. Instead, he grabbed the packet of cigarettes from his hoodie, lit one, and began walking.

He had taken a walk nearly every day since he had gotten there, especially since he and Mikasa weren’t on the best of terms. They still spoke and she still babied him, but they weren’t _talking_ , and it bothered him more than he was willing to admit. He knew he should apologize, but she wasn’t helping by ignoring him whenever he tried to bring anything up.

He sighed as he crossed the street, letting the smoke billow out. Levi would probably think it was a horribly disgusting habit. He almost laughed at the thought, before reality hit him and he had to force himself to keep walking before a car came and ran him over. It had come out of absolutely nowhere, and it had been so natural. He really shouldn’t be thinking about things like that. He rubbed his eyes, casting the thought as far away from himself as possible.

Eren picked up his pace, when he finally saw the Starbucks enter his field of vision. He just needed coffee, and he would stop having delusions. He wondered idly as he approached, if the store was even open, but luck was on his side when he was able to push the doors open. He took a second to look around, because it was the first time ever, that had had seen a Starbucks so empty, but his eyes instantly locked onto the person behind the counter.

“Annie,” he said happily, before the dream from that morning caught up with him, but he shook it off, because fuck that. “I was looking for you all weekend.”

“What do you want?” She asked. He really wanted to know how she got a job where she had to pretend to be nice to real people with that attitude.

I, uh, wanted to return your jacket?” He motioned to himself, and as much as he loved having the warmth, he dropped his bag, pulled it up over his head, and held it out. He was still wearing the t-shirt he had slept in, and he felt a shiver run along his spine.

“I meant,” she sighed, “what are you going to order?” She didn’t reach for her jacket so, he pulled his arm back and looked up at the menu.

“A peppermint mocha, then.” He automatically handed her his card, and moved over to wait while she fixed his drink. There was only one other person in the shop, an old man reading a book, and for the first time, the atmosphere in the store actually made him feel more relaxed than tense. She handed him his drink, and it only took a moment of thinking before he decided to sit down inside the cozy building. He was only halfway surprised when Annie sat across from him with her own drink.

“Shouldn’t you be working?” He asked in between a yawn. He should really get some real sleep as soon as possible. There were too many thing that reminded him about the past, and the dreams were starting to come back. Some of them he loved, but most, no matter how happy the memory had been, he dreaded them. Everything made him remember his hatred for the titans, and the war that had ruled his life. He yawned again, finally realizing how early he had gotten up that morning. He rubbed his eyes. Shit, he really—

“Eren.” He almost jumped completely out of his seat. Annie was leaning over the table, her eyes narrowed. “You can’t ask a question and then ignore me.”

“Yeah.”

Annie rolled her eyes. “Why are you up so early if you can’t even have a decent conversation?” She grumbled, but made no move to leave, so he figured she wasn’t as angry as she sounded. Eren began rubbing his hand, but as soon as he realized what he was doing, he stopped immediately. He had, through sheer force of will, buried that habit, because he wasn’t the same as he used to be.

“I’m fine.” He took another sip of his coffee to avoid looking at her. No matter how many years passed, he was still a shitty liar.

“Too chicken shit to say anything? I should have expected that out of you.” Annie stood abruptly from her chair and walked back behind the counter. It was slow coming, but soon enough, white hot rage ran through Eren’s veins. He slammed his hands on the table, and grabbed Annie’s arm before he fully realized what he was doing.

“Don’t give me that crap,” he growled.

“Then don’t go spewing crap out at me.” She didn’t even raise her voice, but the threat was real. “Just look at yourself, Eren. Anyone can tell you’re not doing anywhere near ‘fine’.”

“I’m doing the best I can.” He knew his nails were digging into her arm, and got some sort of savage pleasure out of her pain. “It’s not easy having these memories and not knowing what to do about it.”

“You don’t know what to do because you too much of a coward to deal with your problems. I don’t know what the fuck they did to you, but I didn’t think you would lose that bravado you were so damned proud of.”

“Fuck off, Annie. I’m dealing just fine with everything.” He was yelling now, but he didn’t care anymore. It felt _good._ Finally able to stop tiptoeing around the issue because he didn’t want to hurt Mikasa’s feelings.

“Is that why you haven’t dealt with your Levi problem yet?” He was shocked enough that he let go of her arm completely. “Don’t look at me like that.” She sneered, “If you had actually had the balls to talk to him, he would have had the same talk with you, and you know it.”

“It’s not that easy, I-“

“You don’t want to admit that things might not work out for you anymore.” That was the final blow. Eren physically flinched away from her, unable to handle it anymore. He bit his lip, wishing he could tell her how wrong she was, but from the beginning, when Erwin had first called him, the seed of doubt was already there. He was able to push it back, like he did with all of his problems, but Armin had brought it to the surface, and ever since he had been pussyfooting around.

“It’s not like I haven’t tried,” he murmured. “These past few days, I’ve been trying to think of any excuse to go to the office, so I can see if he’s there, at the very least, but I can’t.” He was close to tears, for the second time that day. “I don’t know when I stopped being able to just do things because I wanted to. Believe me, I wish I had the balls to do something, because I don’t like being so, so” he struggled for the right word.

“You’re stuck,” Annie’s voice was just as soft as his, “You’re stuck in between worlds, while everyone else moved on without you.” He looked at her, finally really looking at her, and realized why she had said exactly what he needed to hear.

“I guess were both idiots.” He let out a huff of laughter. Her eyes widened, but she didn’t respond. A customer walked in, and Annie went back over to the register without looking at him. He sat back down in his chair to take a deep breath, and another sip of his coffee. The crowd Eren was used to seeing was beginning to come in, and Annie was joined by another worker, while he milked his coffee. He moved to a seat in the corner before the place became too much for him to handle.

He tightened his hand around his cup, crushing it slightly, when he realized what he had done. Avoiding his problems again. He would have smiled if he wasn’t so angry with himself, because the sheer irony of it was almost poetic. He downed the rest of his coffee, scalding his tongue slightly, grabbed his bag, and made his way to the counter. His momentum was slightly stopped when he had to wait in line in order to actually talk to Annie, but Eren wasn’t going to let that stop him.

“Welcome to Starbucks.” She said automatically as she made a drink for another customer. “I’ll be with you in a second.”

 He waited until she turned around before saying anything. “Let’s make a bet. I’ll deal with my situation about Levi, but you have to talk to Armin too.”

“That’s a totally different situation.”

“Armin likes you.” She glared at him and he decided to amend his words. “Maybe not as much as you like him, but give him a chance to. You have nothing to lose.” Eren could see her thinking about it, as she passed the cup to a customer. He didn’t want to spoil the moment, but he bounced on his heels while he waited for an answer.

“Fine, but” She turned to look at him momentarily, “you have to give me proof before I do anything.”

He took a deep breath and didn’t let himself hesitate. “It’s a deal.” The doorbell rang, and he hastily dug through his bag for some paper to scribble on. “This is Armin’s number, and this is mine.” He waved before moving out the way of the three people waiting behind him. He watched Annie stuff the paper in her pocket before he picked up his coffee and turned to walk out. He didn’t even reach for his cigarettes as he walked.

 

When Eren carefully opened the door to the apartment, he could tell that Mikasa and Armin were both still asleep. He let out the breath he had been holding. If Mikasa knew he had walked out at the butt crack of dawn, it wouldn’t have helped his situation much. He set his bag down and heaved another sigh before forcing himself back into action.

He needed to talk to Mikasa and the best way to get through to her was with food. He looked through the fridge for something to make, and settled for eggs, bacon, and, after a quick search in the cabinets, homemade waffles. He wasn’t a great cook, but like most things in life, he had gracelessly tried until he could at least make something he considered good.

Eren went through the steps methodically and tried to pretend he wasn’t watching the clock. Getting Armin up at nine in the morning was probably a stretch, especially considering that he was in the middle of finals week, but Mikasa had always been up by at least ten.

Just as Eren finished cooking the eggs, Mikasa opened her door. He turned around to give her the best smile he could, but she only glanced at him before going into the bathroom. He resisted the urge to shout out at her because she had obviously seen him, and turned back to the kitchen to make her a plate. He had to remain calm.

When she came back out and immediately opened her bedroom door, he lost what little reserve of patience he had left.

“Mikasa,” he growled as he stalked towards her. She turned around and crossed her arms.

“Yes, Eren?”

He took a deep breath. He was trying to apologize, not get into another fight. “I made breakfast for you.”

“I’m not hungry.” She placed her hand back on the handle.

“Please, Mikasa.” He said through gritted teeth. Apologizing. He was apologizing.

“Maybe later. I have to study.” There was a petulant gleam in her eye that through Eren right off the proverbial cliff.

“Fine,” he said throwing up his hands. “I’m trying to be nice. I’m trying to apologize because, yeah, I admit I said some shitty things the other day, but the least you could do is let me.”

“There’s no need to apologize.” She wasn’t looking at him. “It’s all in the past anyway.”

“It’s not like I don’t want to tell you.” He shouted. “It’s not like I don’t want to move on from that. I just _know_ you Mikasa. If I told you that I died locked up in a cage because I didn’t want to fight back anymore, you would blame yourself. You would think I lost because you weren’t there to protect me.”

Mikasa stared at him, mouth agape. Eren blanched. Holy shit. He wasn’t supposed to say that.

“Why?” she croaked. She looked at him just like he knew she would. “Why did you give up?” She took a step forward. “We were supposed to see the world after defeating the titans. We were all supposed to visit the ocean, not just give up.”

“It wasn’t that easy.” He had already said too much; it didn’t matter anymore. “It stopped being so black and white when I turned into a titan for the first time.” His tone wasn’t defensive or angry, but defeated. “I was the last titan, Mikasa, and those powers took a toll on me that we didn’t know about until it was too late. I could either spend my last years forcing Armin and the whole Scouting Legion to defend me and lose the credibility they had won, or I could let them move on and be able to see the world.”

“The Eren I knew would have fought. You don’t give up.” She shook her head, and snuggled her face into her scarf.

“The war took its toll on all of us.” He wiped the tears that had sprung in his eyes. “And I grew up. I changed,” he hesitated, “We all have.”

“I’m sorry.” Mikasa whispered after a beat of silence.

“Don’t apologize. It makes no sense to regret something you couldn’t stop.” Eren rubbed his thumb. “Even if you had still been there, I think my choice would have been the same.”

I’m still story.” Mikasa pulled at the end of her scarf. “What I said the other day was out of line.”

“Then I’m sorry too.” Eren smiled or at least he tried to. “It’s only nine and I’ve already had two soul searching conversations. Hell, I’ve had a thousand of these talks over the past week. Let’s eat and talk about your life or something other than me and my mistakes. I’ve had all I can handle.” He hoped she would let the conversation drop there.

“One more thing,” she grabbed his sleeve as he turned. “What are you going to do about that sh- Levi?” She looked down for a moment but looked at him again with a renewed spark in her eyes. “What I said about him the other day was going too far. He was good for you then, and I want you to be happy.”

Eren sighed again. Mikasa never dropped a subject. “I- I’ll do what I can.” He laughed, but it was full of self-pity. “I have to talk to him first.”

 

After breakfast, Mikasa showered and left for an exam, leaving Eren with his phone in one hand and Erwin’s business card in the other. His and Mikasa’s talk had been nice and all, but he wasn’t quite ready to admit that he was scared to call, and he could tell she still wasn’t one hundred percent happy with the idea. Probably closer to sixty percent happy, and forty percent worried sister.

He didn’t understand why it was so hard now that he was sitting there seconds away from actually doing something. He was calling Erwin, and even though the man had an uncanny way on looking at a person like he could see all their secrets…actually Eren didn’t know where he was going with that thought besides trying to scare himself even more. He could do it. He began pressing the number and tried to ignore the heavy thump of his heart. Now all he had to do was press the call button. One more step.

“Good morning.”

Eren jumped and choked on his own spit. He stood, coughing, while trying to give Armin his best glare.

“Are you trying to kill me?” He said after regaining his breath.

“Well, I’ve been standing here for a while, so I didn’t think me talking would surprise you.”

“I was preoccupied.” Eren stood up and put his phone and the card back in his pocket. “I made breakfast earlier.”

Armin raised his eyebrow, but walked into the kitchen. “So, I heard you and Mikasa yelling at each other this morning?”

“Don’t worry everything’s fine between us.” Eren rolled his eyes. “You won’t have to be the peacekeeper anymore”

“So you finally told her the truth.” Eren could just hear the ‘I was right all along and if you had listened this would have never happened’ in his voice.

“You’re a real dick sometimes, Armin.”

“I was still right, though.”

“Fine, you were right, now shut up. I need to make a call.”

“Because you were doing a great job with that before I woke up.” Eren glared at him again and Armin held up his hands in surrender. “Okay, I’m stopping.”

Eren took out his phone again, and before he let himself think about it, he pressed the call button. His heart sped up again as it rung and he gave Armin a panicked glance, but before either of them could say anything, Erwin picked up.

“Hello, this is Erwin Smith of Rose Publishing.”

Eren had rehearsed this in his head. There was no reason that he couldn’t think of anything to say now. After a long moment of silence, all Eren could say was, “Hello?”

“May I ask whose calling?”

“Uh” Great conversation starter. “This is Eren. Uh, Eren Jaeger. I was wondering if I could come into your office and ask some questions- about the job.”

“You can come over right now, if that suits you. I should be free for an hour to talk with you.”

“Thank you.” Eren’s voice didn’t shake, but his hands definitely were as he hung up.

“Did it go well?” Armin asked with his mouth full of waffle.

“Yeah,” he said as he stood. “Shit, that was the easy part and I can’t even handle that.” He grabbed his keys, but looked down at himself. “I need to change first.” He continued mumbling to himself as he stripped right there in the living room and put on more acceptable clothing. Armin was unfazed and continued eating.

“Good luck,” Armin called out as Eren opened the door. He forced a smile that was more creepy than anything else, before he closed the door behind him. Even if he still wasn’t ready for an elevator ride, Eren could walk down the stairs like a normal human being.

He pulled out the business card again, realizing that he had no clue where he was going. He typed the address into his GPS and mostly memorized the streets and turns. He slipped his helmet on, which he hadn’t forgotten for a second time.

The ride there soothed some of his anxiety, or at least made him bury it in the back of his mind. But as soon as he pulled into a parking garage, his mouth was dry enough to make a camel feel at home. He located the building and the door with no issue, although some part of him wished things weren’t moving quite so fast. He walked up the stairs and stopped in front of a door with Rose Publishing engraved in the glass.

Eren took two steps before his green eyes widened from shock.

“Hello?” Petra said, standing to greet him. When he didn’t respond the smile slipped off her face. “Are you lost?”

“Hey, answer her, kid.” Auro moved to stand next to her, “This isn’t a daycare, so if you don’t have business here, then get out.” Eren opened his mouth, but couldn’t force any words out. He looked past Petra and Auro, and there was Erd and Gunter, and fuck, he felt like crying.

The last time he saw them suddenly flashed into his mind, everything else forgotten. Gunter with his neck sliced. Erd bitten in half. Petra slammed against a tree, and Auro tossed like a rag doll. Even they had gotten a second chance, and they were in front of him breathing and alive.

“What’s going on?” Hanji asked as she wiped her hands on her pants. Eren vaguely remembered that Erwin had mentioned her, but he was still surprised by her appearance. When she looked at him, she positively _screamed_ , and Eren nearly fainted. “Eren it’s been so long!” Well that answered the question he hadn’t asked. “Are you here to see Levi?” She narrowed her eyes when he didn’t say anything. “Have you even talked to him yet?”

“Ms. Hanji, you’re scaring him.” Petra looked between them, and recalled the conversation she had with Hanji the other day. She looked him up and down as the pieces fell together.

“You should have said something earlier if you knew Mr. Levi, kid.” Auro scoffed.

“I-” Eren swallowed and tried again. “I have a meeting with Erwin.” Hanji took the hint.

“Here,” she said as she put her arm around him and led him forward, “let me take you.” She leaned down to whisper in his ear. “In case you didn’t realize, none of them remember anything, but don’t worry, Levi remembers you.”

Eren didn’t realize how much that had bothered him, until the sigh of relief came out of him. Even if his stomach sort of churned from the not so pleasant surprise, he felt better than he had since coming back to the city.

“It’s nice to see you Eren,” Erwin smiled at him as they entered the office. “Now what is it that you wanted?”

“Is Levi here?” Well shit. He didn’t know that was going to come out, but he didn’t want to take it back either. “I need to talk to him.”

“Ugh,” Hanji groaned as she flopped down into a chair, “You mean he hasn’t called you yet?”

Eren was positive he was going to puke. Did that mean Levi didn’t want to see him? Of course Levi had a way to contact him, so why had it never occurred to him that Levi didn’t even want to talk to him? Eren could handle if Levi didn’t love him anymore, or that he had moved on, but they had been-? Friends was the word to come to mind, even if that didn’t quite fit. Eren wrung his hands and moved towards the door.

“Wait,” Erwin ordered and he stopped immediately. “Levi has his reasons, but I am sure he would be happy to see you again, Eren.” He walked around his desk and handed him a card. “He might be waiting for you to make the first move.”

“Thank you,” Eren nearly saluted, but stopped before he could begin. He was already halfway down the steps before he could really register what had just happened. And even as he wanted to collapse right then and there, he forced his legs to carry him back to his motorcycle. He took a deep breath, and then another, for good measure.

He looked down at the card in his hand, not sure if he wanted to dance for joy or puke, and even as his eyes greedily took in the little bit of information it provided, he still didn’t know which he was going to do.

Erwin had basically given his blessing, and Hanji acted like she expected Levi to call him. He shouldn’t have anything to worry about. He took his phone from out his pocket. He could do this. There was no reason whatsoever to have come this far just to falter at the last step. If Levi didn’t want to talk to him, then Eren would hear that for himself.

After yet another deep breathe, Eren, steeled himself and dialed the number.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahahaha *sweats nervously* So here's the new chapter after three weeks. It's a bit longer so I hope that excuses me somewhat.  
> I'm sorry for the delay but I started school, and I really didn't think my schedule through cause I have three English classes that are crushing me. The update schedule for the last three chapters will be a little slower than usual, but I don't think I'll take a three week break again, so give me two weeks or so for each chapter.  
> On another note, I'm going to try to do a better job of editing because holy crap the last chapter had a thousand mistakes in it. If you ever see anything please tell me cause I'm not perfect, and seeing that a chapter I posted three weeks ago had some major spelling errors was really embarrassing ////


	6. Together Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annie fulfills her side of the bet, and so does Eren.

Armin bit his lip as he hit the “submit exam” button with his mouse. He instantly regretted it. He really should have gone and checked number four again. He had messed up the derivative, and he hadn’t really remembered the formula for number thirteen, but maybe if he had went back, he would have recalled it, and wasn’t this taking too long to load? It would be just his luck if the computer had frozen on him. He had always hated the la—

Holy crap he got a 92. He couldn’t help the grin as he stood and made his way out. Even with a teacher than thought she knew way more than she actually did, he had managed a ninety two on the final, the cumulative final. Another thing to add on the list of why it was a good day. He checked the time on his phone, and decided to dither around campus for a little longer. He had finished sooner than he thought he would, so he had around half an hour to kill before he met up with Annie.

His missed a step and nearly fell on his face. His situation wasn’t nearly as desperate as Eren’s had been but the text from yesterday had caught him off-guard, and he had no clue how to react in this situation. He knew Eren had mentioned that someone wanted to see him, but he had been so caught up in his own drama, than neither of them had brought it up again.

Texting was easier than talking; he could stop and formulate his responses without thinking about the look on his face, but she had asked to talk to him in person, and there was no reason to refuse.

Armin took a deep breath, and realized his feet had taken him to his car anyway. Well, crap. He was already there, so he went ahead and got in and started his car. Arriving early wouldn’t hurt him, and he could grab a cup of coffee as he thought about what exactly Annie wanted to talk about.

The Starbucks was only around ten minutes away from campus, and with the lack of traffic due to it being finals week, it didn’t take Armin long at all to get there. He braced himself before shutting his car off and getting back out into the cold air. He shivered, but didn’t let the cold affect his good mood.

He paused, though, when he saw Annie sitting in a corner, staring out the window. He took the small moment he had to observe her. Nearly nothing had changed, from the way she pinned her hair, to the oversized hoodie she was wearing. She still looked as if she would punch anyone that dared to talk to her, and Armin smiled as he made his way over to the table.

“Hey Annie,” He said as he sat down. He didn’t want to risk a broken face just because he had surprised her.

“Armin,” she looked at him for a second, then back down at the table. The only indication of her surprise was the slightest hitch in her voice. “You’re early.”

“I finished my test sooner than I thought I would. You’re early too, you know?”

“I work here. Eren didn’t say anything?” She finally met his gaze, and he found himself looking away. Getting a degree in psychology was supposed to help him with his awkwardness, but the whole exchange was making Armin question his life goals.

“Well that explained his sudden love for Starbucks,” he muttered. “No, he didn’t even tell me he had met you. He can only handle one problem at a time, so I guess he forgot.”  Armin rolled his eyes, before he realized what he had said. He leaned forward, a blush on his cheeks. “Not that you’re a problem or anything.”

“I didn’t think I was.” She said, raising an eyebrow. Armin decided that staring at the table was his best bet in surviving this conversation.

“Anyway,” he paused trying to collect his scattered thoughts. “You told me there was something you wanted to say to me?”

He could hear her sigh. “Well, there’s nothing I really wanted to say.” She paused. “I just wanted to talk to you.” Armin blinked once, twice, and a third time, and could feel his face heating up. She definitely didn’t mean anything behind that. He shouldn’t think that much into it.

“I-” he swallowed thickly. “It’s nice to see you again.” He smiled at her, a lopsided, half-embarrassed grin. Was she blushing? If asked five minutes ago, Armin would have said his face couldn’t get as red as it was, but seeing the slight brushing of pink on Annie’s face, made his own flare up even more.

“Thank you,” she paused and looked at him, earnestly looked at him with her blue eyes. “I guess that’s all I really _need_ to say.” She giggled a bit as she brushed her hair to the side. “Just, thank you for letting me have a second chance back then. When I came out of the crystal, you were the one who convinced me to do the right thing, and I’ll never forget that. You let me die without any more regrets.”

“You don’t need to thank me,” Armin said a lot louder than he intended, waving his hands. He set his hands back down in his lap and paused, waiting until the people around weren’t staring. “Back then, I just wanted what was best for you and humanity, don’t thank me for something for selfish. I knew you weren’t the kind of person to hurt others with no reason, and I wanted everyone else to know that too. I wanted everyone to see the you that I saw.”

“What kind of person did you see me as?” Annie leaned closer to him, her eyes intent. Armin wanted to move back because they were too close and his heart was going to explode if they kept whatever they were doing up for much longer. But he didn’t move back, too mesmerized to do anything.

“You were,” he stopped and swallowed thickly, trying to get past the sudden dryness of his mouth. “You were-”

“You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to. It’s okay.”

“No, just give me a second.” Armin took a deep breath and willed himself to calm down. “You weren’t needlessly cruel, even when you weren’t on our side. You didn’t waver when you made a decision, and you never _wanted_ to hurt anyone. You always tried to do your best and when someone asked something of you, you wanted to help them, but if you couldn’t you would say so upfront, and if you could, you did everything in your power to help them.” Armin sucked in a breath. He wasn’t looking at her anymore, giving him the courage to continue on, “I’ve always admired you, Annie _._ ”

He counted to five in his head, then counted again, but she still hadn’t said anything. He waited a bit longer before he risked raising his head a bit more. Annie’s eyes were wide, her mouth hanging slightly open from sheer shock, but what surprised Armin the most, was the way her hands were clenched so tightly together that they had turned white.

Knowing that it could be read any number of ways, Armin reached out and placed his palm above her hands and quietly said, “Annie, are you okay?” She jumped back and covered her face with her hands to keep him from looking at her.

 “You know,” she said, blurting out the first thing that came to her mind, “me and Eren had a bet, that’s what really spurred me on. He was finally going to deal with Levi, so long as I dealt with you.”

“That explains why he didn’t come back last night,” Armin muttered under his breath, another puzzle piece clicked into place.

“I tried telling him that this and that have nothing in common, but he knew that wasn’t really true and I guess I knew that as well.”

Armin knew he should call an ambulance because he was having a heart attack. Annie was probably having one too. They would have to finish this conversation after a trip to the hospital, that is, if one of them didn’t die on the way. The way things were working out with his heart though, meant Armin definitely wasn’t going to make it.

“Oh.” Great response. Response of the year. He deserved an award, something akin to a punch in the face.

“Is that,” Annie cleared her throat, “a rejection?”

“No, of course not,” Armin burst out. Annie had removed her hands, so he tried his best to look her in the eye—even though his poor heart had finally burst. Both their faces were red beyond belief, small smiles lighting up both their blue eyes.

Annie looked down, then back up again, her poker face somewhat back in place. “Let’s go on a date then?” She stood, as if it weren’t a question, but Armin didn’t really care as he got up and followed her out. It was endearing.

“Sure.”

 

Eren bounced from one foot to the other, every ring making his stomach do acrobatic flips and flops, and by the third set of rings, he figured his stomach could go for the gymnastic gold in the next set of Olympics. When the voicemail set in and Levi’s smooth, perfect voice came on, Eren pulled the phone away from his ear and instantly hung up. He couldn’t lie; he was a little bit relieved that he didn’t have to talk to Levi with no plan of action, but the crushing sense of pain overwhelmed that soon enough. Maybe Levi had known it was him and not answered on purpose.

Eren took a deep breath, running his hand through his hair to calm himself down. Most likely Levi had just been doing something and hadn’t had time to answer the phone, or he didn’t like answering numbers he didn’t recognize, or Eren was stupid and he had somehow put in the wrong number. After checking to see if the last possibility was true—which of course it wasn’t, Eren had checked at least twelve times before he had pressed call—he mechanically marched right back up the four flights of stair.

He opened the office door and mumbled, “Forgot something,” when Petra greeted him with a look of confusion. Erwin and Hanji were still both in the office talking to each other.

“Eren?” Hanji said, tilting her head to the side. “Did you forget something?”

Eren didn’t give himself time to second guess, or to back out. He was going to get this done with one way or another. “Can I have his address instead? That’ll be much easier.”

 

Levi typed away at his computer, completely wrapped up in the task. Honestly, he should have gone into the office to get his work done, but he still didn’t feel like looking at Erwin, and well, he just didn’t like it in there anyway. Even if he got less work done in his own home, at least he could have a glass of wine as he worked.

He paused in his motions when his phone began vibrating, but elected to ignore it and continue through the mountain of papers he still had left to go over. Special issues annoyed him slightly more than Erwin’s face, which still didn’t annoy him as much as Eren fucking Jaeger who couldn’t keep his contact information updated on his fucking business cards.

He continued working, even if his somewhat bad mood had plummeted into a full on horrible kill you with a look disposition. He looked at the pile of papers, counting how many he had left until he could take time out of his schedule and actually go into the office and talk to Hanji—definitely not Erwin with his smug ass face—and somehow get into contact with Eren’s stupid face. Honestly, he could just call one of them, but he wanted to get his work done, so he would have plenty of time to deal with Eren.

Levi nearly growled when his doorbell rang, distracting him from his thoughts. He stopped to check his time, and realized that both Hanji and Erwin would be at work. If they wanted to bug hi about taking lunch with them, then he would kill them, and if it wasn’t them, he would kill them. He swung open his door, ready to tell them off, but anything he had been planning to say died on his lips. It took a miracle, and years of disciple, that allowed himself to keep the shock off his face.

“I called,” Eren blurted out, “but you didn’t answer, so I asked Hanji and Erwin for your address because I didn’t know what I wanted to say to you on the phone anyway and talking face to face is so much easier, but I’m a coward, so I’ve been putting it off, putting off a whole bunch of shit actually, even though I really wanted to see you, and I just wanted to talk to you again because the way things ended back then there wasn’t ever really any time to talk.” Eren took a shuddering breath that was closer to a sob.

 “And I know you probably just want to move on, you’ve probably already moved on, but I’ve been stuck ever since—“ he stopped himself, and wiped at the tears staining his face. They both knew what he was talking about anyway. “I’ve been so stuck in the past and I didn’t even realize it until this started happening and I realized how fucked up I let myself become, and you probably don’t even want to see me, I just needed- needed—“

“Eren,” Levi said, much harsher than he had ever intended, but that was all it took for Eren to finally shut his mouth. Levi moved aside, ushering Eren into his apartment. He sat stiffly, still wiping the tears at his eyes, and sniffling like a child. After a moment’s hesitation, Levi sat next to him.

“You still have enough verbal diarrhea to clog a toilet, I see,” Levi spoke softly, and almost smiled when Eren let out an amused breath. He reached over and grabbed the box of tissues sitting on the end table. “Stop wiping at your snot and take this. I’m not talking to you until you do something about that face of yours.” In truth, Levi was just stalling for time to get his own thoughts back in order.

“Sorry,” Eren muttered. He waited until his tears had stopped before he spoke again. “I didn’t mean to say all that or to start crying when I saw you, I just—it’s like I couldn’t stop myself.”

“No shit.” Levi rolled his eyes. He turned, and really looked at Eren, taking in the changes, and every little detail he had forgotten. He was definitely older, and, much to his chagrin, even taller too. His brown hair was longer, his bangs well past his ears, but those stupid eyes were the same kaleidoscope of color, every emotion shining plainly in his face.

“You look almost the same,” Eren whispered, and Levi realized they had both been staring at each other.

“Can’t really say the same about you,” Levi spoke in the same hushed tone, not really understanding why. He reached over and pulled lightly at a strand of his hair. Eren ducked his head, and pushed his hair back out of his face.

“Levi,” Eren bit his lip, but looked back up at the man with determination in his eyes. “Did you want to see me too?”

“Of course I did, you stupid brat.” There was a moment, where Levi looked away, but hesitation was rare for Levi, and there was no reason for him to hold back now that Eren was right in front of him again. His frown deepened but he asked the question that had been on his mind since Hanji told him the story. “Why did you give up in to end, Eren? I always knew you were suicidal, but I didn’t think you would ever give up.” Levi had always been blunt enough to shock Eren every time, and this time was no exception as he visibly flinched away from the angry gaze.

“So they told you,” Eren trailed off, but Levi’s glare didn’t waver, rather it grew in intensity. “It wasn’t about giving up, not really,” he began, somewhat reluctantly. “The titans were dead, and everyone left finally had their chance to explore the world, but if I had told them that I wanted to go with them, then they would have fought the government, and wasted their chance. I couldn’t be that selfish, Levi.” Eren could feel the tears prickling in his eyes.

 He was telling him something he hadn’t even told Armin, or Mikasa, or Annie, something he had admitted to himself only once, then promptly let it get buried underneath everything else. But this was Levi, and Eren knew he wouldn’t judge him, that he would just listen like he had done so many times before.

“So many people died to protect me, and I couldn’t let more people give up their lives for me. I was the last titan. I deserved to die.”

Levi sighed, his eyebrows knotted in sadness. Part of him had known exactly the reasoning Eren had taken in his decision, but to hear it still shook him far more than he expected. He reached over and took Eren’s chin in his hands, forcing him to look at him.

“No one deserves to die,” Levi forced himself to speak gently, even though he was angry at the choice Eren had made in the end, angry that he hadn’t been there to stop him. “You made plenty of sacrifices for humanity. What happened to _your_ dreams? You wanted to see the ocean.”

“With everyone,” Eren finished the sentence. “I wanted to see the ocean with everyone, and the ‘everyone’ I dreamed about was gone.” He closed his eyes, not wanting to see the disappointment he knew was waiting for him, but Levi didn’t say anything, instead he let go of Eren and leaned back into the couch.

He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. He could hear Eren fidgeting next to him, but he focused on controlling his temper, because even though he could see the real thought put behind Eren’s actions, Levi couldn’t stop the sudden urge to punch Eren in his suicidal face.

“Are you angry?” Eren asked, daring to open his eyes.

“Yes,” Levi bit out, but looked at Eren to clarify, “but I shouldn’t be.”

“Oh,” Eren sighed, and couldn’t think of anything else to say. There was too much history, too much time between them to make everything okay from one conversation. Eren glanced at Levi, and then actually took in the neat arrangement in the apartment. The two black leather couches were arranged at a perfect ninety degree angle from each other, and Eren would have bet that Levi constantly stressed about keeping it that way. A few pictures hung on the walls, but other than that nothing in the room seemed personal.

Eren smiled, knowing that even if the house itself was empty, it didn’t mean that Levi didn’t value what he had. Levi had always shown his caring in a nearly silent way, probably because if he had anything else in the room, Levi would think it was too cluttered and hard to keep clean.

“Get that creepy look off your face, dipshit.”

“I’m sorry,” Eren said automatically, as he stood to get a better look at the pictures on the wall, “I was just thinking of how much your apartment reminds me of you.” Suddenly, a hand on the back of his head was pulling him down. Eren could feel his face heating up as he was situated only a few inches from Levi’s face.

“I’m standing right here, brat,” Levi said, without any malice in voice; Eren could see the slight glint of amusement in his eyes. “There’s no need to snoop around.” Levi released him and Eren instantly moved away, but that didn’t stop the cunning grin he flashed Levi.

“I just want to look,” Eren said as he began walking around the immaculate living room, “and if you have something to hide, then that makes things twice as fun.”

Eren froze, forgetting everything, when he looked towards Levi—and saw his _smile._ It wasn’t as if he had never seen the man smile, but back then in had been rare, mostly when Levi thought Eren was sleeping or distracted _._ And back then, the guarded edge of someone who wasn’t allowed to relax, but that was gone, and it was only a smile, but Eren could feel his heart puttering out, could feel himself falling in love all over again, right as the world toppled over and he fell on his ass.

Levi had kicked him behind his knee with just enough force to make him fall over, the smile still on his face. “You should listen before your mouth gets you into even more trouble than it already has.

Levi expected an answer, but all Eren could do was stare up at him with a dumfound expression. The smile that enamored him disappeared, replaced with a worried and somewhat confused look, as Levi raised an eyebrow. Levi crouched down and Eren’s eyes followed with the same singular attention he had given the thought of titans in the past.

“Did you actually hurt yourself or are you just playing dumb?” Levi asked, but he still couldn’t formulate actual words. “Eren?”

Eren had never been known for thinking before he did something spectacularly stupid—the opposite actually—and this, placing his hand on Levi’s neck and leaning just far enough so that their lips touched, was no exception at all.

To say it was electrifying was an understatement, the way their lips molded together, Levi’s slightly chapped but still soft. Eren closed his eyes almost instantly, but knew that Levi’s were open; he had always kept them open before, and he could feel the sharp gaze still on him. Levi had obviously been surprised, but then his arms slid behind Eren’s back, adjusting them to a better position.

Neither of them had expected to be on the floor when they first kissed in this lifetime, but they both had hoped that would eventually come to this, that they would be able to reclaim what they had lost.

“Levi,” Eren murmured as he pulled away for a second to catch his breath. Before he could respond though, Eren leaned forward again, molding their lips together, and when Levi’s tongue invaded his space, Eren opened his mouth willingly.

He was in pure bliss, lost in the feeling—that is, before Levi pushed him away with disgust on his face.

Eren’s heart plummeted, then stopped completely. “I’m sorry,” he said as he stood up, “I shouldn’t have done that. I didn’t—I never think before I do stuff—you didn’t expect that. I shouldn’t have assumed—” Eren could feel tears beginning to prickle at the corners of his eyes, but he just continued to back away towards the door, his head reeling.

“Wait,” Levi said, wiping his mouth, while still sitting on the floor. Eren wasn’t listening anymore, though, so Levi scrambled to his feet, and grabbed his arm. “I said wait, you idiot.” Eren finally stopped talking and looked at Levi with wide eyes. Levi sighed. “Do you smoke?”

“Huh?” Eren blinked, but the question still didn’t make any sense.

“Just answer.”

“Yeah,” Eren, “but why do—”

“Because you taste like a fucking ashtray,” Levi scrunched his face. “Fucking disgusting.” Eren couldn’t help it; he began to laugh out of a mixture of relief and real amusement.

“I’m sorry. I should have warned you,” Eren finally managed to get out after the mirth had left him.

Levi rolled his eyes. “I’m going to brush my teeth, then we are going to eat.”

Eren tilted his head to the side in mild confusion, but shrugged his shoulders in the end. “Okay then?”

“I was going out to lunch,” Levi explained as he walked into what Eren assumed to be his bedroom, “when you showed up at my door with snot all over your face.”

“I didn’t have snot on my face,” Eren mumbled, but he couldn’t stop the smile from overtaking his face.

They had never really needed words of affection or grand confessions of love. It was too fragile in their previous life, and now, Eren didn’t see a reason to change that part of his life. Their kiss had been enough of a guarantee, well most of it at least. When Levi came back out, Eren followed him, just as he had through a lifetime.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter left! Yay! The ships have finally gotten together and everything's happy! Writing this has made me so happy even though my computer died on me and this chapter gave me a hard time. You all kept me writing and the last chapter will be an epilogue for my self indulgence :)


	7. Epilogue: Six Months Later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren thanks everyday that he fell in love with Levi twice, and he wouldn't mind it happening over and over again.

Eren juggled his keys, phone, and helmet, trying valiantly to lock his door, while talking with Armin. He nodded his head, unaware that the blonde couldn’t see him, as Armin rambled on about his teacher and how much he admired her, so much better than his last teacher and so on. Honestly Eren didn’t care, and he really didn’t know why Armin decided to call him rather than walk up one flight of stairs to Eren’s apartment.

Eren finally managed to lock the door—after dropping both his helmet and phone to focus on one task—and decided to take a quick detour down to Armin and Mikasa’s apartment. Armin was still talking, but Eren had given up on listening, not even making noises to assure the other he was still there. He walked down the hall, set his phone down again and unlocked the door to find Armin still chittering away, his math papers spread out on the table.

They looked at each other for a long second before Armin flickered his gaze down to Eren’s phone on the ground. “You weren’t listening were you?”

“No offence Armin, but after you started explaining the problems on your homework, I got a bit lost.”

“You’re a horrible friend,” Armin huffed as he sat up.

“Don’t you have a girlfriend to bother instead of me?” Eren countered as he picked his things back up and closed the door behind him, “She actually cares about these things.”

“She’s also in Germany for two weeks.” Armin sighed, and Eren could have sworn he actually sounded sad. He set his stuff down on the table on sat across from Armin.

“It’s only two weeks,” Eren said awkwardly. “It’ll fly by in no time.”

Armin raised his eyebrow. “Yes thank you Eren for that. So comforting.”

“I tried at least. Give me a little credit.” Eren reached over and threw a pillow at Armin.

 He threw the pillow back at Eren. “Even therapy can’t help you emotional stupidity.”

“Oh shut up Armin. That was below the belt.” Eren actually whacked him with the pillow for that one. “I’m not even going to therapy for that.”

“You should be.” Armin muttered. He picked up another pillow off the couch and hit Eren back in the face. Just as their impromptu pillow fight was beginning to get really violent, they both froze as the door swung open. Mikasa took one look at them both, shook her head, and walked into the kitchen to pour herself a glass of water.

She walked back out and stood looking down at them, both of whom had not so subtly put the pillows back into place. “Didn’t you have a date today Eren, or did you decide to cancel and fight with Armin instead?” She was laughing on the inside, Eren just knew it, but as what she really said registered, he shot up from his spot.

“Oh shit.” Eren picked up his phone and checked the time. 2:04. “Oh shit. Shit. Shit.” He was supposed to be at the restaurant four minutes ago. “Thanks for reminding me,” he said as he sent a text to Levi. “See you guys later.”

He didn’t really wait for a response, as he grabbed his things and sped out, taking the stairs two at a time. It was times like these that Eren wanted a cigarette, but he wasn’t about to break his three month record now. He might still hate cars, and have an inability to even step foot into an elevator, but he could write down quitting smoking as a crowning achievement.

Kissing Levi whenever he wanted had been the best incentive, of course.

But as Eren hopped off his motorcycle, and noticed he was twenty minutes late, he realized that Levi wouldn't really be in the mood to kiss him at the moment. Eren walked through the doors, looking around hesitantly. When he spotted Levi, whose back was to him, Eren tried his best to nonchalantly make his way over. Maybe if he acted as though nothing was wrong, then Levi wouldn't notice.

Eren slid into the seat and opened his mouth.

“You’re late,” Levi said without looking up from the menu.

Eren winced. “There is a very serious and not stupid explanation for this.”

“I’m listening.” Levi still hadn’t looked at him, but Eren could still see the raised eyebrow that told him whatever excuse he came up with had better be good.

“I got preoccupied with a job?”

Levi finally looked at him, but it was so Eren could see the man roll his eyes. "You told me yesterday that you didn't have any jobs, and Erwin told me the same thing today.” Levi paused. “Also, your cameras are still in my apartment.”

“It was Armin’s fault,” Eren blurted out, “I was totally on my way and everything, but Annie’s out of town, so Armin thinks calling me three times a day to talk about stupid stuff is better than walking up one measly flight of stairs to talk to me face to face. And so I had to walk downstairs but then we ended up getting into a fight.”

“Really a fight?”

“Well it was actually a pillow fight,” Eren amended before he realized that Levi was actually literally laughing at him.

“Are you fucking serious,” Levi choked out, hiding his face behind his menu. “Are you sure you’re not actually five.”

Eren blinked once, twice, and then he smiled, a wide shit eating grin that covered his whole face. “You’re not mad?”

“Eren,” Levi sighed and rolled his eyes again, “you are late every time we meet. It is annoying, especially when you’re _this_ late, but if I still got angry then I would be the stupid one.”

“I’m not always late,” Eren said automatically, but after a moment to think about it he added a sheepish, “maybe I do have a bad habit.”

“Not anything new there, brat.” Levi said as the waiter walked up to them. Eren picked up his menu and hastily ordered, not really worried about what, since every other time he had come the food had been spectacular. They continued to chat over their meal, even as Eren kept getting distracted by the strong curve of Levi’s jawline, the smallest tilt of his head to show his amusement, and the way he unconsciously shook his head to get the hair out of his face instead of brushing it back like a normal person.

Eren knew it wasn’t his new occupation as a photographer that made him notice the small details—they had been there before. It was the peace, the lack of constant worry and terror and mind-numbing grief, which made this Levi softer, easier to read. It was a mixture of old and new and Eren would never tire of watching, because even if they both had changed, the core of themselves would always be irrevocably the same, and always attract them back to each other.

As they were walking out, Eren leaned down and kissed Levi on the cheek, not really thinking of the time or place. Levi frowned, the slightest blush on his cheeks, and Eren just smiled back at him, before bounding away with a wave.

Levi stood there for a second longer than what was strictly necessary, watching as Eren rode away with practiced ease. He was too old to be getting worked up over a peck on the cheek, but he couldn’t exactly control his heart at that moment, and he really didn’t want to. Levi allowed himself a smile before he sat in his car and began the drive back home.

Eren was idiotic and forgetful and impulsive, and everything he had been when their relationship first started back in the scouting legion, but it was so much more than that as well, and some parts of it scared Levi, but mostly he was just content in a way he hadn’t been since he first began having the gruesome dreams of blood and gore and death from human monsters. Erwin and Hanji had helped him cope by their mere existence, but he still pushed them away in a way that Eren in all of his impetuous stubbornness, had seen right through without even trying.

Levi parked his car and walked to his apartment lost in his thoughts, thoughts that kept the pinkish tint on his face. The flash that momentarily blinded him as he opened the door made him drop his keys and all the rosy thoughts about Eren and love flew out the window in a murderous annoyance.

“This time you’re the one that was late,” Eren said as though he hadn’t just taken a picture of his anti-photo lover.

“Delete that, Eren,” Levi said narrowing his eyes, “and get out before I kick your ass.” Levi decided to momentarily forget that he had given Eren a key so he could drop by whenever he wanted.

“But this is a good one,” Eren whined as he put his camera back on the mantle where he left it more often than not. “Pictures don’t hurt anyone.” Levi shut the door, took off his shoes, and lunged forward, tackling Eren onto the couch.

“I’m going to kill you,” Levi said even as he shifted into a more comfortable position and buried his head into Eren’s chest.

“I love you, too.” Eren hummed, after his initial laughter had subsided. “But I’m still not going to delete that picture.”

“I’ll delete it when you fall asleep.”

“You say that every time.”

Levi raised his head and glared at his lover. “You leave your camera here anyway, so I can delete them any time I want. It’s not exactly on top of my priority list.”

“Am I on top of your list?” Eren wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

“Not even close,” Levi said, trying to keep his poker face. Eren wrapped his arms around Levi, and sat up, so that the older man was straddling his lap.

“I can fix that,” Eren said as he leaned down.

“Really smooth, Jaeger.” Levi couldn’t help the smile that formed on his lips as he kissed Eren back.

Eren pulled back after a moment to grin again. “You still love me anyway.”

Levi let the silence last a second, but he wasn’t cruel enough not to give an answer. “Of course I love you, you idiot.”

“You didn’t need that last part,” Eren grumbled, but instead of answering, Levi just pulled him down for another kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is it. Thanks to everyone for sticking it out through the end, even as I wrote slower and slower. I know this isn't the most popular ereri fic by far but it was fun to write and every comment and kudos and hit made it worth the while to write. This probably won't be the last time I write for this fandom, so keep an eye out for me :')

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic in a very, very long time, and my first time writing in only a slightly shorter amount of time, so I hope it's as good as I think it is at least. I've planned out seven chapter, so it's not going to be all that long.  
> If you want to talk to me directly for any reason, my tumblr account is catmadeofstars.tumblr.com


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